Less than half a fortnight to go before the EWS, XC racing, FIFA "scandals" and even Caitlyn take backseat to the tire/rim flattening action that is Ft. Bill. So let's set the stage with what we know leading up to this weekend:
1.) Mark Wallace - that's right, the great^50 grandson of William Wallace dons the blue war paint and channels his inner Mel Gibson (sans drunken anti-semitic rants and bogan mullet) to take the top spot - screaming "Freedom, eh" as he crosses the finish line. He also starts new marketing juggernauts by sporting a new "TLD Balls Out Gravity Kilt" and "Enduro Compression Socks" (which have very small, individual ankle packs so all the weight is not on the upper part of the calf).
2.) Posh Spice - In an unprecedented act of brinks"man"ship, the former pop siren takes the Bruce Jenner challenge and goes full softball, throws on a plaid lumberjack shirt and hammers out a solid second place. It's also rumored that Posh is the best footballer of the family after the transformation (or maybe even before for that matter).
3.) Steve Peat - buoyed by his recent crowning as the "hottest WC racer" (as voted by RM members), Sheffield Steel uses his massive (and crooked) schnoz to harness the whipping winds to his great advantage - allowing him to clear the whole motorway section in the air.
4.) Brendog - Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats, living together! Mass hysteria!
5.) Tony Blaire - see, I told you the limeys are deep. With all the extra time on his hands thesedays, he's been able to train like mad with his bro Bush Jr. at his private Texas DH track.
But if somehow the predicticator is off, here's my (bad) guess:
1.) Rock God - not a fan of his overstated belief in Skynet Mk1, but the dude seems like he's back to donkey punching roxx (even the infamous east coast species as evinced by his domination at Mountain Creek last weekend) and fit as ever. If he opens up an American sized can of holy whoop ass on Sunday, it may be another season of angelic beat downs.
2.) T-broz - he obviously brings a lot of good vibes to the venerable auld track from last year's breakthrough, and I thought he looked really strong at times at Lourdes. For the sake of both Gwin and Troy, I hope Spesh has further enbuttresssed the Demo, and/or at least cleaned up the frame aesthetics.
3.) Hart - seems to be getting on well with his new sled, and last weekend's solid result has to have him feeling good. Plus, he had a strong finish here last year (4th?), so hopefully he'll continue his climb towards a WC win.
4.) Mulally - I think the guy is super fit now, and he can bang through the chundgnar with the best of'em (being raised on east coast roxx and all), so I'm hoping he get's a podium after a great quali effort in Lourdes.
5.) The Rat - Slow but steady progress towards finding that blinding speed and weed infused confidence he had last season. Plus, he doesn't have to sail his boat anywhere to get to Ft. Bill.
Lasses -
1.) Manon - I think she's done screwing around, and lays down the law come Sunday.
2.) Tracey - hopefully she didn't miss too much time off the bike with her dinged shoulder, as it seems like she's picked up the pace quite a bit this year. In no small part thanks to my long distance coaching sessions.
3.) Myriam - always a podium threat, and even moreso now with Ragot out and seemingly Rach and Tahnee either injured or under the weather.
4.) Katy Curd - I keep waiting for her to make a big move on a WC stage, so I think its here on home soil with some big names out/dinged.
5.) Rach - even a 50% Rach is still better than almost everyone else on the circuit, and if she's actually close to 100%, she'd be the fave IMO.
Also of interest will be if the Schwalbe guys are using the Procore system again, and if so, how it fares compared to traditional tubed set ups. I seem to recall there were a goodly number of flats last year.
- As per the usual, it's going to rain basically all week, although there appears to be some chance the sun may peak out on Sunday. Lately, they've had some exceptionally good kite flying weather in the Ft. Bill area, but hopefully Aeolus (which to my disappointment, is not the god of large nipples) will cut the would be racers some slack, otherwise they'll have to Fabien Barel it to the top of the hill.
- The UK still has no legitimate native footballers, so I think they will continue to suck for at least the next WC in Qatar (<--I still lulz about that), if not beyond.
- The UK still has a fucking unreal number of native DH shredders, so I think they will continue to occupy 14 out of the top 20 spots on Sunday.
- I assume Hill and Peat are out [dumps pot of cooked pasta on ground to protest the FSM being such a dick about this], but perhaps Stevie Smith will make the big show. Also hoping Rach is ready, but a dinged wrist is not what you want for this track. Just IM'd my long distance lady friend Tracey, and she says ready to race, but obviously misses me and my cute, but somehow distinguished, American accent.
- Must be a nice coincidence that a lot of top shelf photogs are already in Pictland for the Tweedlove EWS event last weekend, so hopefully they can soak in scotch filled hot tubs whilst waiting for the WC event to kick off.
- Much like the 'Train Spotting' bathroom, Haggis still seems pretty disgusting, as is Clan MacGregor scotch.
- David Knight will *not* be racing.
- No one will be racing a DHR (sorry Trumbull, but your bike still sucks).
1.) Mark Wallace - that's right, the great^50 grandson of William Wallace dons the blue war paint and channels his inner Mel Gibson (sans drunken anti-semitic rants and bogan mullet) to take the top spot - screaming "Freedom, eh" as he crosses the finish line. He also starts new marketing juggernauts by sporting a new "TLD Balls Out Gravity Kilt" and "Enduro Compression Socks" (which have very small, individual ankle packs so all the weight is not on the upper part of the calf).
2.) Posh Spice - In an unprecedented act of brinks"man"ship, the former pop siren takes the Bruce Jenner challenge and goes full softball, throws on a plaid lumberjack shirt and hammers out a solid second place. It's also rumored that Posh is the best footballer of the family after the transformation (or maybe even before for that matter).
3.) Steve Peat - buoyed by his recent crowning as the "hottest WC racer" (as voted by RM members), Sheffield Steel uses his massive (and crooked) schnoz to harness the whipping winds to his great advantage - allowing him to clear the whole motorway section in the air.
4.) Brendog - Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats, living together! Mass hysteria!
5.) Tony Blaire - see, I told you the limeys are deep. With all the extra time on his hands thesedays, he's been able to train like mad with his bro Bush Jr. at his private Texas DH track.
But if somehow the predicticator is off, here's my (bad) guess:
1.) Rock God - not a fan of his overstated belief in Skynet Mk1, but the dude seems like he's back to donkey punching roxx (even the infamous east coast species as evinced by his domination at Mountain Creek last weekend) and fit as ever. If he opens up an American sized can of holy whoop ass on Sunday, it may be another season of angelic beat downs.
2.) T-broz - he obviously brings a lot of good vibes to the venerable auld track from last year's breakthrough, and I thought he looked really strong at times at Lourdes. For the sake of both Gwin and Troy, I hope Spesh has further enbuttresssed the Demo, and/or at least cleaned up the frame aesthetics.
3.) Hart - seems to be getting on well with his new sled, and last weekend's solid result has to have him feeling good. Plus, he had a strong finish here last year (4th?), so hopefully he'll continue his climb towards a WC win.
4.) Mulally - I think the guy is super fit now, and he can bang through the chundgnar with the best of'em (being raised on east coast roxx and all), so I'm hoping he get's a podium after a great quali effort in Lourdes.
5.) The Rat - Slow but steady progress towards finding that blinding speed and weed infused confidence he had last season. Plus, he doesn't have to sail his boat anywhere to get to Ft. Bill.
Lasses -
1.) Manon - I think she's done screwing around, and lays down the law come Sunday.
2.) Tracey - hopefully she didn't miss too much time off the bike with her dinged shoulder, as it seems like she's picked up the pace quite a bit this year. In no small part thanks to my long distance coaching sessions.
3.) Myriam - always a podium threat, and even moreso now with Ragot out and seemingly Rach and Tahnee either injured or under the weather.
4.) Katy Curd - I keep waiting for her to make a big move on a WC stage, so I think its here on home soil with some big names out/dinged.
5.) Rach - even a 50% Rach is still better than almost everyone else on the circuit, and if she's actually close to 100%, she'd be the fave IMO.
Also of interest will be if the Schwalbe guys are using the Procore system again, and if so, how it fares compared to traditional tubed set ups. I seem to recall there were a goodly number of flats last year.
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