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First Christmas as a pseudo-adult

J

JRogers

talks too much
Mar 19, 2002
3,785
1
Claremont, CA
I came to the conclusion the other day that this seems like it will be the first Christmas I have had as a pseudo-adult. It is a bit of a sad moment for me.

For the last 20 years or so (I am 26) Christmas has been more or less the same: I go home to NJ, spend a bit of time there, Christmas Eve with my immediate family, then we drive to Boston that night and spend the next two+ days with my extended family (my parents are both from there and almost all of my relatives live in the MA area). My family is fairly tight and into the routine. I always see "everyone" in the family and things unfold in a comfortable way.

But things have changed. My maternal grandmother died last year and we sold her house, so we can't meet up there. And that side of the family is f-ed up a bit as it is, so I won't see a lot of them (my mom is from East Boston and dad is from Revere, if that means anything to you). My other grandmother moved into a retirement community. We always stayed with her for the last 20 years, but that isn't an option anymore. She is always in pain. Just had her THIRD back operation over Thanksgiving.

My sister has to work Christmas Eve (she just graduated college, so this is her first legit job) so she can't go to NJ. My brother is (no kidding) stuck in Pakistan. He is a human rights worker/lawyer there and his visa is expired. If he leaves, he can't go back into the country. He has tried everything, but stuff is nutty there, so nobody is getting visas. He won't be in the States for a while. I laugh and joke about it sometimes, but I really do fear for my brother's safety. He goes into Peshawar, refugee camps and has traveled a lot and been detained a few times (Israeli police and now Pakistani). If there is a God, I am praying to that dude.

I have so much stuff to do that I can't go to NJ at all and will be stressing about work for the next two weeks or so. I have been more stressed in the last few weeks than any point in my life.

So I guess I equate becoming an adult with changes, confronting disappointments and accepting compromises. Yes, I am thankful I have a family and my (realtive) health. But things change, and I guess that's life.
 
Toshi

Toshi

Harbinger of Doom
Oct 23, 2001
38,335
7,745
this is the first year my wife isn't spending christmas at home (in seattle) with her family. i never had the luxury of heading back for every break during undergrad not to mention afterwards, and i was a latchkey kid for much of high school, too, so my sympathy has limits.
 
CrabJoe StretchPants

CrabJoe StretchPants

Reincarnated Crab Walking Head Spinning Bruce Dick
Nov 30, 2003
14,163
2,484
Groton, MA
I haven't seen a Christmas celebration/party with relatives since I was about 16 (I'm 23 now). Since all my grandparents are now dead, that's pretty much the nail in the coffin. Pretty much all my other aunts/uncles/cousins are fvck ups in one way or another, from being accidentally knocked up or a drunk to trying to kill themselves or stealing money from their kid's college fund left to them by deceased relatives.


It's part of the reason I always hated the holiday season. All I need/care for is my immediate family (mom, dad, brother) until I someday have a family of my own to celebrate holidays with.


And as a side note, I too am from East Boston, and I think my parents moving out of there when I was 8 is what kept us "normal" (the rest of my family still lives in East Boston/Revere/Winthrop).
 
jonKranked

jonKranked

Detective Dookie
Nov 10, 2005
86,005
24,551
media blackout
CrabJoe StretchPants said:
I haven't seen a Christmas celebration/party with relatives since I was about 16 (I'm 23 now). Since all my grandparents are now dead, that's pretty much the nail in the coffin. Pretty much all my other aunts/uncles/cousins are fvck ups in one way or another, from being accidentally knocked up or a drunk to trying to kill themselves or stealing money from their kid's college fund left to them by deceased relatives.


It's part of the reason I always hated the holiday season. All I need/care for is my immediate family (mom, dad, brother) until I someday have a family of my own to celebrate holidays with.


And as a side note, I too am from East Boston, and I think my parents moving out of there when I was 8 is what kept us "normal" (the rest of my family still lives in East Boston/Revere/Winthrop).
Click to expand...
You think you're normal :rofl:
 
Riding

Riding

Monkey
Dec 19, 2006
545
0
Millis, MA
???? Adulthood? I don't really see the correlation. Besides don't we all want a shiny new bike for Christmas?

For the past 30 years my family's routine has been the same. Christmas Eve at my parents house(mainly because it's my birthday), Christmas Day touring the town going to my cousin's houses(My aunt and uncle had 6 kids, all 6 got married and 5 of their families settled down in the town we grew up in) until ending up at my Aunt and Uncles house for "Christmas Day". Then about 10 years ago, my cousin, Rosemary, wanted to break into the party hosting schedule so she has been hosting a day after Christmas brunch. I have been attending every event with the exception of the day after brunch when it falls on a non holiday weekday.

Last year my uncle started getting sick, after never being sick a day in his life. My Aunt was getting run down so we tried to change the schedule a little, Christmas Eve remained at my parents, but Christmas day went to my cousin Rosemary's and the Brunch was moved to my cousin Conee's. However, My Uncle didn't want to leave his house and his little girl(she's 44) did not want to spend Christmas without her daddy so we moved all of the food over to my Aunt and Uncle's house. It would prove to be his last Christmas.

A few weeks ago, my uncle gave a nice speech before thanksgiving dinner thanking my Aunt and everyone else for caring for him for the past year. His moment of clarity was astonishing since he had battled several strokes this year. A few nights later he had another stroke, slipped into a coma, and passed away the following week. The evening of his Funeral, his Compadre(In Portuguese it represents best friend) passed away after being sick for a couple years. These men were married for 57 and 56 years respectively and attended each other weddings. Needless to say, my Aunt is a mess and this Christmas is going to be VERY different and we are going to go forward with the Schedule we tried last year.

However, I'm not sure Adulthood has anything to do with it. a sixteen year old kid can have a baby, but it doesn't mean they are any more adult than me because they celebrate Christmas differently.

Sometimes, making new traditions can be difficult, but it can also be a refreshing change even if it is forced upon us. My uncle was a jovial man and I firmly believe that he would not want us to be depressed over the holidays because we miss him.

As with every event, Christmas is what you make of it. Merry Christmas Everyone.
 
sanjuro

sanjuro

Tube Smuggler
Sep 13, 2004
17,373
0
SF
While my sister and her kids are out of the country on the vaca, I have two relatives with terminal cancer.

My plans this Xmas is to visit them.

They are both doing better, but the family is playing the game of another day is a good one. And it is.
 
jdcamb

jdcamb

Tool Time!
Feb 17, 2002
19,841
8,442
Nowhere Man!
Nothing makes me feel more warm and fuzzy during the Holidays then visiting East Boston! (I buy all my gifts at the Family Dollar in Maverick Sq.) Then I go to Chelsea for First night. If I still have my wallet and car I head to Charlestown/Southie/Savin Hill to cap off the experience.
 
IH8Rice

IH8Rice

I'm Mr. Negative! I Fail!
Aug 2, 2008
24,524
494
Im over here now
hey James, if you do wind up coming back to NJ, give me a ring and we'll have a drink or three. ill be back in Parsip Thursday night i think, or Friday morning
 
stoney

stoney

Part of the unwashed, middle-American horde
Jul 26, 2006
21,621
7,283
Colorado
Toshi said:
this is the first year my wife isn't spending christmas at home (in seattle) with her family. i never had the luxury of heading back for every break during undergrad not to mention afterwards, and i was a latchkey kid for much of high school, too, so my sympathy has limits.
Click to expand...
Same. Wife's family is local and she has never spent a holiday away from them. My family is scattered, so when we are all able to get together it's a big deal.

This year my family is all together for Christmas (in Georgia), and we are flying in on the 26th because she can't handle being away from her aging grandmother during the holidays. I do find some irony here, as I see my grandparents once every year or two, and we see hers almost monthly...:rant:
 
DRB

DRB

unemployed bum
Oct 24, 2002
15,242
0
Watchin' you. Writing it all down.
The Joker said:
Same. Wife's family is local and she has never spent a holiday away from them. My family is scattered, so when we are all able to get together it's a big deal.

This year my family is all together for Christmas (in Georgia), and we are flying in on the 26th because she can't handle being away from her aging grandmother during the holidays. I do find some irony here, as I see my grandparents once every year or two, and we see hers almost monthly...:rant:
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Always about Stoney......
 
laura

laura

DH_Laura
Jul 16, 2002
6,259
15
Glitter Gulch
26 is not a psuedo adult. It is a real adult.

That being said, I didn't get to spend a christmas away from the fam until we moved across the country. TN and I enjoy our new christmas traditions better than the old ones. My family are a bunch of fun killers though, so it's understandable.
 
BikeMike

BikeMike

Monkey
Feb 24, 2006
784
0
Last Christmas was my first Christmas away from family. Christmas (in summer) alone and on the opposite side of the globe was not exactly an awesome time. It made me appreciate four things: the 23 years I had been with family for Christmas, the incredible hospitality of two people randomly invited me to dinner (connection was father's boss's inlaws) the greatness that is postal service combined with homemade cookies, and Skype.

Appreciate what you've got.
 
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Westy

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
54,456
20,254
Sleazattle
laura said:
26 is not a psuedo adult. It is a real adult.

That being said, I didn't get to spend a christmas away from the fam until we moved across the country. TN and I enjoy our new christmas traditions better than the old ones. My family are a bunch of fun killers though, so it's understandable.
Click to expand...
My family slaughters fun. I'm thinking about faking the flu and celebrating Christmas with my good friend Jim Beam.
 
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