If she looks anything like the older women who works near you at work i think it would be worth hearing what she did the night before.
Embarassing moments at work
- Thread starter jonKranked
- Start date
I melted/burned my desk with a solder iron and wrote on the break room white board with a sharpie. That was just today. I have been on a roll lately too.. I always time my performance peaks to coincide with my yearly review 
Too many to mention them all
Last week at a meeting with our largest client we decided to measure a culvert under a railroad. Since we were at a meeting I didn't have on junk cloths or work boots and there was a lot of water running through the culvert. So I took two large garbage bags and put them over my shoes and pants and tied them off. The first step was fine with the water only a couple of inched deep. Next step I went in an inch above the plastic bag, it filled up with water and my leg was now soaking wet and freezing. Did I mention that our client and my boss where there watching and laughing.
Some short ones.
Telling blond and sexist jokes in front of female blond co-workers
Purposely hanging up on a client only to have them call right back saying that their cell phone must have died.
A elder secretary asked if I would use CPR & First Aid to help her if she needed it. I asked her if she had lived a good life.
Physically threating a summer intern only to find out the boss and the entire office was standing right behind me.
and many many more
Last week at a meeting with our largest client we decided to measure a culvert under a railroad. Since we were at a meeting I didn't have on junk cloths or work boots and there was a lot of water running through the culvert. So I took two large garbage bags and put them over my shoes and pants and tied them off. The first step was fine with the water only a couple of inched deep. Next step I went in an inch above the plastic bag, it filled up with water and my leg was now soaking wet and freezing. Did I mention that our client and my boss where there watching and laughing.
Some short ones.
Telling blond and sexist jokes in front of female blond co-workers
Purposely hanging up on a client only to have them call right back saying that their cell phone must have died.
A elder secretary asked if I would use CPR & First Aid to help her if she needed it. I asked her if she had lived a good life.
Physically threating a summer intern only to find out the boss and the entire office was standing right behind me.
and many many more
Mine is a recent one.
Last Friday, I knew I was the only one in the whole office building.
I was in a really good mood, all charged up and ready to ride on Saturday.
The phone rang, so I leave the computer walk across the office and answer the phone. It was one of those damn recorded telemarketing calls where the first thing they say is, "Whatever you do, do not hang up this phone."
For some reason that Rage against the Machine song popped in my head and I started singing, "F*** You, I won't do what you tell me!"
over and over. I hung up the phone and started skipping back to the computer while singing. To this day, I do not know what prevoked me to skip. Grown men do not skip, but here I was skipping and singing Rage which are two acitivies that should never be infused. Anyway, I looked up and there stood our UPS guy staring with a look
that's hard to describe. Imagine if you were in a jungle and a tiger jumped out, but he was wearing a tutu. And you could not decide whether to be horrified or to laugh. That's the look I got.
Last Friday, I knew I was the only one in the whole office building.
I was in a really good mood, all charged up and ready to ride on Saturday.
The phone rang, so I leave the computer walk across the office and answer the phone. It was one of those damn recorded telemarketing calls where the first thing they say is, "Whatever you do, do not hang up this phone."
For some reason that Rage against the Machine song popped in my head and I started singing, "F*** You, I won't do what you tell me!"
over and over. I hung up the phone and started skipping back to the computer while singing. To this day, I do not know what prevoked me to skip. Grown men do not skip, but here I was skipping and singing Rage which are two acitivies that should never be infused. Anyway, I looked up and there stood our UPS guy staring with a look
that's hard to describe. Imagine if you were in a jungle and a tiger jumped out, but he was wearing a tutu. And you could not decide whether to be horrified or to laugh. That's the look I got.
The building I work in is wedged in at the foot of a hill. A narrow little parking lot has been squeezed between the side of the building and the hill. Said parking lot has a couple of little tiers, & small ledges. The step down between tiers is not large, an easy step on foot, but not for a car tire. 
Another important fact about the lot is you can only get out by backing out the whole way, snaking around the other cars. As I found out you can't use one of the tiers to turn around.
First time was when I went to interview for the job. Car's rear wheels over edge, grounded out on frame. Required several people lifting to get unstuck.
Second time was week later. Owner and I got into one of the company trucks to visit a nearby customer. Same damn thing happened again on a tier lower down. Required even more employees and requisite snickering this time.
8 years down the road and I've fired all those sonsofbitches. (J/K)
Another important fact about the lot is you can only get out by backing out the whole way, snaking around the other cars. As I found out you can't use one of the tiers to turn around.
First time was when I went to interview for the job. Car's rear wheels over edge, grounded out on frame. Required several people lifting to get unstuck.
Second time was week later. Owner and I got into one of the company trucks to visit a nearby customer. Same damn thing happened again on a tier lower down. Required even more employees and requisite snickering this time.
8 years down the road and I've fired all those sonsofbitches. (J/K)
I once had mounting holes speced in the wrong location on a $10,000 piece of equipment. I quietly found a tech. and had him quietly put in new ones. When asked what the other holes were for I said they were for alternate tooling.
I was a manager of the ski and bike department at Dick's clothing and Sporting goods. One day we were getting slammed with people, and I was helping out in footwear 
I told some lady that the reason we didn't have any shoes in her size is "our store is under stocked, I am sorry" then continued with what I thought would be a funny joke "maybe if the owner and his college buddy's (who are also execs), would stop playing golf for an afternoon and take a look at the supply deficiencies you may be able to get a pair of shoes!" she chuckled a bit, and left... 45 minutes later I got a supreme @ss reaming... apparently the lady was the VP's wife and it just so happened that her husband and the owner WERE out playing golf that afternoon, and she didn't like the fact that I made fun of it!
almost got fired
I told some lady that the reason we didn't have any shoes in her size is "our store is under stocked, I am sorry" then continued with what I thought would be a funny joke "maybe if the owner and his college buddy's (who are also execs), would stop playing golf for an afternoon and take a look at the supply deficiencies you may be able to get a pair of shoes!" she chuckled a bit, and left... 45 minutes later I got a supreme @ss reaming... apparently the lady was the VP's wife and it just so happened that her husband and the owner WERE out playing golf that afternoon, and she didn't like the fact that I made fun of it!almost got fired
last year I was eating lunch with a bunch of other teachers. They were all talking about some show or something, and without looking up I blurted out "that show is so GAY!"
everything got quiet, and I looked up everyone had their heads a little low and were shoveling food into their mouths when I realized the substitute teacher sitting a few seats down who happens to be our track coach and is also a lesbian... I still catch funny chit from it! I felt pretty bad at the time, but she is pretty cool about it!
everything got quiet, and I looked up everyone had their heads a little low and were shoveling food into their mouths when I realized the substitute teacher sitting a few seats down who happens to be our track coach and is also a lesbian...
I still catch funny chit from it! I felt pretty bad at the time, but she is pretty cool about it!
A few months ago one of the secretaries was having trouble with her email but only when she was adding a picture to it. So I see that when she right clicks something to send in email it goes to outlook express and not the full version of outlook. I tell her to never do this again and change her name on it to "Mrs. Pain in the Ass". Well of course she doesn't understand me and a few months later she gets an email saying Dear Mrs. Pain in the Ass. She was sending out emails to people and in the from box it said "Mrs. Pain in the Ass"
I thought for sure I was going to get in trouble but everyone just laughed.
I thought for sure I was going to get in trouble but everyone just laughed.
I was demonstrating a robot to a customer. I was manually controlling it while it was a holding a 300lb Duramax engine block. I pushed the wrong button and dropped the engine block while it was about 6 foot off the ground. As a reflex I tried catching it. Luckily another reflex was to make sure my feet or anything else was not underneath. Although I grabbed it I obviously didn't catch it. I managed to tear my hand open and when it hit the ground a large chunk of concrete chipped loose and split my shin open.
I jammed my bloody hand into my pocket and continued the demonstration like nothing had happened. Half an hour later when it was all done my shoe was full of blood from my hand and shin bleeding down my leg.
I jammed my bloody hand into my pocket and continued the demonstration like nothing had happened. Half an hour later when it was all done my shoe was full of blood from my hand and shin bleeding down my leg.
A friend sent me a link to a website I shouldn't view at work. At the time I didn't know what it was, so I forwarded it to my personal email... or so I thought. Turned out I accidentally forwarded it to a woman in our sister office in another city. Almost got fired for that one... black mark on "my file."
Then, two years later, I forwarded an email containing an mp3 to my wife, and the automated "bad word catcher" latched on to some code that was created when it was compressed. My email didn't contain any foul language at all. The IT guy reported it, and when they listened to the song attached, it contained a curse word, which violated company policy.
I was fired. Best thing that ever happened to me. LOL
Then, two years later, I forwarded an email containing an mp3 to my wife, and the automated "bad word catcher" latched on to some code that was created when it was compressed. My email didn't contain any foul language at all. The IT guy reported it, and when they listened to the song attached, it contained a curse word, which violated company policy.
I was fired. Best thing that ever happened to me. LOL
I was a manager of the ski and bike department at Dick's clothing and Sporting goods. One day we were getting slammed with people, and I was helping out in footwear
almost got fired
oh the irony!!!
Your story rates high on the gnarcore scale. I have only had blood pool up once in my shoe (it was really a Birkenstock). Back in college, my road bike doubled as my commuter. One day, while riding to class in blue jeans and Birkenstocks, my right foot slipped off the pedal. The result? A huge chunk of skin was missing from behind my achilles tendon. I had a quiz to take in my class, so rather than wait the 45 minutes to get looked at in the health center, I grabbed some paper towels and tried to make do. The quiz was no problem, but keeping blood from staining the floor was another problem.
I really should have gotten stitches.
today we had to put together bird cages and i had to get up to the front of the store and i decided to skip..... do you expect more out of me? hope not.... but any who my history teacher (old time farmer... calls me gay in class for wearing pink but good teacher) sees me skipping..... sh1t i dont want to be in class tomorrow.
you are gay. skip his class also.
no way he is the coolest teacher i have had in highschool. he knows his stuff too
I have 2
i was sitting on my playmate lunch box at lunch time and somebody farted. Not to be outdone i responded with a cut of my finest. Everyone knew from the look on my face that i Crapped myself. I went commando the rest of the day, but i had blow through speed and unknowingly soaked my jeans. I guess i sat in dirt and the small particles of dirt formed an amoebic smudge mark on my jeans...about the size of a baseball.
i will forever be known as "sh!t your pants Dan" .
Same job i drove a tractor with a load of hay into a barn b/c i was trying to help out while he and his dad were trying to save the family dog (of like 18 years) b/c it had just eaten rat poison. The guys entire family was there to watch me trash the barn and the tractor while the dog layed there dying. I never felt so bad in my entire life and i didnt get paid that week.
the dog lived.....
ok three...
i also cut a huge fart on the director of a youth home while we were demonstating restraint moves for about 15 coworkers. One guy almost puked from laughter.
i was sitting on my playmate lunch box at lunch time and somebody farted. Not to be outdone i responded with a cut of my finest. Everyone knew from the look on my face that i Crapped myself. I went commando the rest of the day, but i had blow through speed and unknowingly soaked my jeans. I guess i sat in dirt and the small particles of dirt formed an amoebic smudge mark on my jeans...about the size of a baseball.
i will forever be known as "sh!t your pants Dan" .
Same job i drove a tractor with a load of hay into a barn b/c i was trying to help out while he and his dad were trying to save the family dog (of like 18 years) b/c it had just eaten rat poison. The guys entire family was there to watch me trash the barn and the tractor while the dog layed there dying. I never felt so bad in my entire life and i didnt get paid that week.
the dog lived.....
ok three...
i also cut a huge fart on the director of a youth home while we were demonstating restraint moves for about 15 coworkers. One guy almost puked from laughter.
I have an excellent coming of age tale about accidentally stabbing myself in the stomach with a knife, while i was skinning a squirrel, and swatting at a bee with said knife in hand, but cant do the entire story justice in written word. Lets just say i lost a ton of blood into my pants, and my tighty whiteys became saturated reds. oh yeah, retractors hurt when a doctor looks into your stomach cavity and you arent knocked out. I nearly cut off my wanger too. Again this wasnt a work story but it fits in well with gore category. Brunge can hear it this weekend after a few beers.
I swear I just.... aw chit... I am wiping tears... tears I tell you!
I am laughing so hard I had tears pouring out! how come I never heard those stories before?
I don't think I'm brave enough to have typed these stories on teh monkey. Approved.
fixed!I don't think I'm stupid enough to have typed these stories on teh monkey. Approved.
I agree...
I was mowing my parents' lawn when I felt something brush my leg. I thought was some long grass and gave my leg a scratch without looking. I walked a couple more steps and "YOW!", stung by a wasp. As a reflex, I whacked the spot where I got stung on my calf, buy I caught my thumb on my calf and sprained it pretty good. I did all of this while going into a spasmic half lurch-run grasping my thumb in pain while getting stung 3 more times as I made my way cursing and leaping down the street away from the wasps.
Not sure if anyone saw...
Not sure if anyone saw...
There's your problem.
I think you should have taught that robot the First Law.
I've done that, lost my damage deposit.
my boss found out i hooked up with his secretary and then he fired her.
good for me, bad for her...oh well.
i guess he figured sales are more important than secretarial work..smart man
good for me, bad for her...oh well.
i guess he figured sales are more important than secretarial work..smart man
Only one of many.There's your problem.
Definately the funniest I've read so far...
This morning I managed to spill coffee down the front of my jeans in front of the entire cafeteria. I had to go home and change.
I used to have a trunk mount bike rack on my GTI. I usually took it off after a ride but I left it on once. Drove to work and got my laptop from the trunk, when I closed the hatch the rack clubbed me in the head and dropped me to the ground. It hurt really bad and I was in a bit of a daze. On my way in I swung by the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee. I was getting a whole bunch of weird looks, more than normal. Finally someone came up and asked me if I was OK. It seems as though the bike rack cut my scalp open a little and I had blood dripping down the side of my neck. I got called Head Wound Harry for a few days.
Bike racks cause me a ot of damage as well.
One bar is situated right above my driver door, as i was getting out of my car I slammed my head in to the bar and got knocked to the ground. Imagine, one foot is out the door, the other in the car me falling at a 45 degree angle out the door and into the sidewalk shoulder first. My GF at the time was laughing so hard she dropped her bike.
One bar is situated right above my driver door, as i was getting out of my car I slammed my head in to the bar and got knocked to the ground. Imagine, one foot is out the door, the other in the car me falling at a 45 degree angle out the door and into the sidewalk shoulder first. My GF at the time was laughing so hard she dropped her bike.
new title?
Just after getting out of college and finishing a year long training class I was sent to my first sales assignment in Minnesota. This is a very formal kind of engineering sales position and a lot of people are stuffy, or so I thought.
I made a joint call with a senior sales person up to Northern Minn. We met the purch manager of a plant and went to a bar w/ him. I still felt like a college kid oing to party so i drank like a fish. His wife was the bartender. She had HUGE hands, so I called her "Man-hands"
Mistake 1: I accidentally ashed a Swisher Sweet on his leg burning a hole in his pants. Not my idea to smoke one of those things anyway.
After that we went to the guys house and hung out with his wife and her friend. We were drinking Tequila at this point (this probably could have been mistake 2 for me). We went into the back porch, which had no windows, to lounge and smoke cigars.
Official mistake 2: Within a half hour I was green and running for the door to puke. I didn't make it. I threw up in his kitchen.
The following night we were in a bar in Duluth. The customer wanted to go smoke a joint, so I agreed (Mistake 3). Pot has never treated me all that well. Soon I was paranoid, thinking that I am 1000 miles from where I grew up, don't know anyone well here, not sure where my hotel was and will probably be randomly tested and fired.
The bass player from the band at the bar walked by me and said "Dude, you smell like weed". Simultaneously I freaked out and got sick to my stomach. I hauled ass to the bathroom only to filter what must have been 10 gals of partially digested beer thru my hand covering my mouth spraying everywhere.
It all worked out, the senior sales person that I was with is working to hire me for a six figure income at a new company.
I made a joint call with a senior sales person up to Northern Minn. We met the purch manager of a plant and went to a bar w/ him. I still felt like a college kid oing to party so i drank like a fish. His wife was the bartender. She had HUGE hands, so I called her "Man-hands"
Mistake 1: I accidentally ashed a Swisher Sweet on his leg burning a hole in his pants. Not my idea to smoke one of those things anyway.
After that we went to the guys house and hung out with his wife and her friend. We were drinking Tequila at this point (this probably could have been mistake 2 for me). We went into the back porch, which had no windows, to lounge and smoke cigars.
Official mistake 2: Within a half hour I was green and running for the door to puke. I didn't make it. I threw up in his kitchen.
The following night we were in a bar in Duluth. The customer wanted to go smoke a joint, so I agreed (Mistake 3). Pot has never treated me all that well. Soon I was paranoid, thinking that I am 1000 miles from where I grew up, don't know anyone well here, not sure where my hotel was and will probably be randomly tested and fired.
The bass player from the band at the bar walked by me and said "Dude, you smell like weed". Simultaneously I freaked out and got sick to my stomach. I hauled ass to the bathroom only to filter what must have been 10 gals of partially digested beer thru my hand covering my mouth spraying everywhere.
It all worked out, the senior sales person that I was with is working to hire me for a six figure income at a new company.
When I flew out to interview for my current job I packed the wrong suit. It looked fine but I had put on 30 lbs since I bought it and it was way too small. The whole day I had to move slowly and didn't eat anything for fear of splitting the ass open on my pants. At the end of the day there was no ripping but the seam was on its last leg.
I had one of those suit deals. I flew to Norfolk for an interview and had my suit cleaned prior to the trip. When I put it on the morning of the interviews, I realized the cleaners broke the fly. I had to leave the zipper in a half open position all day. I don't think I listened to a word anyone said that day because I was focussed on keeping my portfolio over my crotch. That coud have been embarrasing. That was a long day...sounds like a King of Queens episode.
When I went to NYC to interview for magazine internships, I had to walk around the city all day in high heels that suddenly felt one size too big and flopped as I walked. A friend and I spent the day stuffing any napkins we could find in the toes in between interviews.
Been there, done that. Yet I'm still reluctant to rid my closet of the slacks that no longer fit me. Why??