Quantcast
  1. XenForo is here. Problems or comments on the new site? Please report them.
  2. New stuff: Our new Classifieds have launched. Check them out!
  3. New stuff: You can now tag users in posts using the @ symbol, and they'll get a notification that they've been mentioned. Try it out.

Divorce ...Is it really the fix one hopes for?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by SloMoJo, Nov 29, 2012.

  1. CBJ Active Member

    Rep  |  Likes:
    2   |   7
    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2002
    Messages:
    8,451
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    Do you say congratulation or I am sorry when somebody announce a divorce?
    #41 Nov 29, 2012   
  2. jimmydean The Official Meat of Ridemonkey

    Rep  |  Likes:
    7   |   9
    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2001
    Messages:
    22,814
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    She met a nice Christian boy and lived happily evar afterz. She was in school in Spokane, so for the first 2.5 years we dated it was like being in the reserves. One weekend a month and a few months during Summer. We moved in together after she graduated and it lasted 6 months.

    Another thing I beat into my kids heads. Live together for at least a year. Sh!t is different when you live together.
    #42 Nov 29, 2012   
  3. I Are Baboon Run, Forrest, Run!

    Rep  |  Likes:
    10   |   4
    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2001
    Messages:
    26,657
    Location:
    MTB New England
    MMike, sorry to hear that.
    #43 Nov 29, 2012   
  4. Beef Supreme Active Member

    Rep  |  Likes:
    8   |   5
    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2010
    Messages:
    1,192
    Location:
    Hiding from the stupid
    #44 Nov 29, 2012   
  5. boogenman New Member

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   1
    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2004
    Messages:
    3,191
    Location:
    BUFFALO
    I wish I could marry beer and bacon:cheers:

    Almost 5 years married and 1.5 kids for me, things are good. We were together for 5 before we got married.
    #45 Nov 29, 2012   
  6. SloMoJo New Member

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2002
    Messages:
    383
    Location:
    New England
    Yea ...Here's to better days bud.
    #46 Nov 29, 2012   
  7. jonKranked Press Button, Receive Stupid

    Rep  |  Likes:
    19   |   15
    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2005
    Messages:
    36,297
    Location:
    alcoholics unanimous
    Are you counting the dog as the half kid or is there something you haven't announced yet?
    #47 Nov 29, 2012   
  8. CBJ Active Member

    Rep  |  Likes:
    2   |   7
    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2002
    Messages:
    8,451
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    You can but then you become this guy

    #48 Nov 29, 2012   
  9. kazlx Patches O'Houlihan

    Rep  |  Likes:
    10   |   7
    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2006
    Messages:
    3,941
    Location:
    Tustin, CA
    I actually did that. For realz.

    FWIW, I like my wife. I dunno about you guys, but as you get older and go to more weddings, it seems to get easier to pick out the train wrecks and the ones that actually have a chance of working it out. I really doubt that if something ever happened, that I would re-marry.
    #49 Nov 29, 2012   
  10. jimmydean The Official Meat of Ridemonkey

    Rep  |  Likes:
    7   |   9
    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2001
    Messages:
    22,814
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    Seeing Joe's disaster of a first, mistake of a second, and shouldn't have done third, I am even more reluctant myself and he's 10 years younger than me. :panic:

    But military deployments are hell on a relationship. Few survive unscathed.
    #50 Nov 29, 2012   
  11. stosh Darth Bailer

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2001
    Messages:
    21,689
    Media:
    1
    Location:
    Orange County NY
    WTF


    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Westy again.
    #51 Nov 29, 2012   
  12. Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

    Rep  |  Likes:
    7   |   10
    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2002
    Messages:
    10,735
    Location:
    Back in Van. Thank fack...
    Yeah... I know. Heh. That was a pretty damned good one.
    #52 Nov 29, 2012   
  13. jimmydean The Official Meat of Ridemonkey

    Rep  |  Likes:
    7   |   9
    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2001
    Messages:
    22,814
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    Word of advise:
    Don't refer to "current wife" as "Wife #1". :rofl:

    I don't like referring to mine as ex1/ex2 and often call ex2 "my wife" just because I got tired of saying "my ex-wife".
    #53 Nov 29, 2012   
  14. DirtyMike Turbo Fluffer

    Rep  |  Likes:
    1   |   0
    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2005
    Messages:
    12,270
    Media:
    61
    Location:
    My own world inside my head
    My ex wife tries to kill me in ht process of her mental breaking down in the end of the relationship.... i still care unfortunately, but at the same time I will run like a scared little girl if I see the slightest resemblance in anyone I date. I hope the best for that crazy effin cant understand normal things of a woman, but I will not drive the bat**** crazy road again.....

    As for getting married again???? Hell thats going to take a hell of an effort from any woman to get me on board with that.....
    #54 Nov 29, 2012   
  15. Quo Fan don't make me kick your ass

    Rep  |  Likes:
    22   |   0
    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2006
    Messages:
    6,079
    Location:
    Here. I'm just not sure where "here" is.
    First marriage was when I was 20. Lasted about 2 years. Second was 5 years later, lasted about on and an half. Last one nearly 20 years later. Knew I wanted to marry her 3 months in, but waited till 3 years to ask, because I know I usually do something incredibly stupid.
    #55 Nov 29, 2012   
  16. AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

    Rep  |  Likes:
    16   |   3
    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2006
    Messages:
    8,264
    Location:
    I have no idea where I am
    Since I make wedding bands I am often confused for a relationship councilor. I assure you, I am under-qualified for this function. And I have witnessed some strange behavior from couples over the years. Many times I have wanted to tell the guy, "run, run like hell dude", but that would be unprofessional.

    A couple of years ago I made a high end gold and opal engagement ring for a young gymnast hottie and her airline pilot fiance. They broke up before I could complete the job. He decided that if she still wanted the ring then she could pay the balance. About five weeks later the asshole comes in and picks up the ring. I do not like getting caught in the middle of some couple's BS. It happens way too often.

    Some guys will commission me to make rings with the intent of saving the relationship, it never does.

    But for every 20 dysfunctional mis-matched couples I work with, there is one that makes it all worth it. These good folks are the ones that restore a little faith in humanity for me.
    #56 Nov 29, 2012   
  17. norbar Active Member

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2007
    Messages:
    8,124
    Media:
    5
    Location:
    Warsaw :/
    Unless your relationship is like being syamise twins and you never leave you have to face the fact that people change. Especially if they do anything else than work and raise the kids. That's why long relationships over a very long period of time rarely work in modern times.
    #57 Nov 29, 2012   
  18. jimmydean The Official Meat of Ridemonkey

    Rep  |  Likes:
    7   |   9
    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2001
    Messages:
    22,814
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    And yet so appreciated.

    I had a very nice custom ring made for the prude. When we called it off, she threw it at me during a good fight and I should have put it in my pocket. I put it on the counter and that was the last time I saw it. I hope she at least kept it, but I should have sold it for meth.
    #58 Nov 29, 2012   
  19. zdubyadubya Active Member

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2008
    Messages:
    1,208
    Location:
    Ellicott City, MD
    Depends on who you find. I definitely think JimmyDean has a point about marrying young, but I think it is more the young female than the young guy. I started dating this girl at 20, got married at 21 (after living together through all four seasons), had 1st kid at 23 and second at 25. We have now been married for 6 years and I can honestly say that the relationship, the sex, the conversations, and really everything about the marriage is better right now than it has ever been the entire relationship. Key? Wife is 5 years older than me.
    #59 Nov 29, 2012   
  20. jimmydean The Official Meat of Ridemonkey

    Rep  |  Likes:
    7   |   9
    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2001
    Messages:
    22,814
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    Nice!

    My first was a year older, second was 2 years older. The main bitch about both my ex'es is they are both hawt as hell at 42/43 vs. some of the single ladies out there in their mid to early 30's.

    I look good as hell for 41. :D
    #60 Nov 29, 2012   
  21. dan-o Active Member

    Rep  |  Likes:
    10   |   9
    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2004
    Messages:
    3,121
    I don't agree with that theory.
    My wife and I have lived together 23 years, married for 15+.

    We started with literally nothing (ie. broke kids) and have gone through wide variety of changes both individually and as a couple. We both have built our careers, have two kids and have maintained our own friends/interests/hobbies over the years.

    IMO sharing these varied stages of our lives, and the related fact that we know everything about each other at this point, is why we're still together.
    Now that I think about it, all our solidly married friends have been together since a young age and have evolved as people together.

    Whatever the reason, I consider myself extremely lucky.
    We both came from ****-show marriage households.
    #61 Nov 29, 2012   
  22. jimmydean The Official Meat of Ridemonkey

    Rep  |  Likes:
    7   |   9
    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2001
    Messages:
    22,814
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    Mine were both happy as hell when I was the bread winnar. Otherwise, not so much. Some people can deal with ups and downs, others only want the up part.

    "I say yes to the richer part, but I don't agree with the poorer portion of this question"
    #62 Nov 29, 2012   
  23. blackohio Generous jaywalker

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2009
    Messages:
    2,420
    Location:
    Hellafornia. Formerly stumptown.
    Looks like DM and I are going to wind up two miserable old men. I hope however I wind up like that fat **** in the Southern Comfort ads. Stashing my almost flaccid penis away in young beach girls while smelling like tanning oil, cigars and booze, just like their granddads.
    #63 Nov 29, 2012   
  24. rockofullr confused

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2009
    Messages:
    4,851
    Location:
    East Bay, Cali
    Well hello there blackohio

    #64 Nov 29, 2012   
  25. jdcamb Tool Time!

    Rep  |  Likes:
    11   |   9
    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2002
    Messages:
    8,365
    Location:
    The ROC
    Know why Divorces are so expensive?


    Because they work.....
    #65 Nov 29, 2012   
  26. dan-o Active Member

    Rep  |  Likes:
    10   |   9
    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2004
    Messages:
    3,121
    Yeah, I see money issues tearing apart our friends all the time.
    Separate bank accounts/CC etc and a basic lack of trust.
    If we ever get divorced I'd probably come out ahead losing 50% to her.

    That's not going to happen though.
    Her family are all divorce lawyers who joking threaten to ruin me if we separate.
    I bought a shovel, put a bow-tie on it and introduced it as my divorce lawyer to the MIL.
    There are no half-measures when your in-laws are Sicilian.
    #66 Nov 29, 2012   
  27. norbar Active Member

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2007
    Messages:
    8,124
    Media:
    5
    Location:
    Warsaw :/
    It's rare and you are lucky. Though I also think it is a new thing. People change must faster nowadays than they ever did before because they have so many options and freedom to do stuff, create and develop as people. I see how much my parents changed over the years and how much my peers do. I know it's also a bit a young thing but from what I remember from being a child and their stories there is still a difference.
    Also I'm on the extreme side of the spectrum here. I get bored with everything quickly and change my life plans often. It may be a bad thing but I get really anxious when I'm not developing. I'm still very loyal to friends but even recently I see how they (not only me) change and it is harder and harder to stay in contact, even though I want to. The same goes for relationships. Though I'm still very good friend with one of my first girlfriends. So it may work. We just don't work as a couple.
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2012
    #67 Nov 29, 2012   
  28. dan-o Active Member

    Rep  |  Likes:
    10   |   9
    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2004
    Messages:
    3,121
    You just have to find the right girl.
    We're both very spontaneous and open to taking risks, which is what binds us together.
    Until we had kids in our mid-30s, I don't think we planned more than 6mo in advance for anything.
    #68 Nov 29, 2012   
  29. DirtMcGirk <b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2008
    Messages:
    6,464
    Location:
    Oz
    I can look back on my two "big" relationships in life and see why they failed.

    I married my ex-wife when I was 23, had been with her since I was 19, and thought in my heart of hearts that I could beat her mental instability and her family's outright and unmitigated madness. I was fresh out of the Army, and a real blue flame special; young, dumb and full of cum.

    After she enlisted in the Navy (which I opposed) I knew that my life was pretty much over in the sense of having any control over what my life was going to be like. I ended up moving something like a dozen times in 8 years, which every time set me back both professionally and socially. And that's where the resentment began to set in.

    When I start to resent people, I tend to get mean, and then I tend to drink to slow the mean. But during the last year and a half of my marriage she was living in either Pensacola or Whidbey Island, with me in Reno or Seattle during that time. I had enough of the Navy, enough of some **** star Admiral Douche Bag telling me things like "ya know, if the Navy would have wanted her to have a husband, he would have come in her sea bag, and you wouldn't have been Navy issue." I got tired of busting my hands on pilot ****-tards (one of which she is now married to) when they made remarks I didn't enjoy.

    And finally, I just learned to hate her.

    Those are my failings. I didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with this amazing, crushing resentment of her, her career, her family and the life her choices dictated for me. And I lost my ****, all in. I wanted blood, and gallons of it, and I really didn't care who it was coming from. I launched into a 2 year vendetta against the Navy and her folks.

    Finally while she was deployed one night I just let loose the dogs of war on her. Drunk, angry, hurt and scared, I burned her village to the ground over the phone.

    And that was that. It was over, and the rest is prologue.

    The second time around I let the resentment thing bite me in the ass again. I didn't feel secure in the show as I was constantly being asked to deal with things and people that I wasn't comfortable with dealing with. She somehow thought I could be friends with her old FWB, and that dropping things on me from her sexual history that she knew would hurt me would have no affect on me.

    And maybe if I was stronger, maybe if I was more mature, maybe if I was a better man than I am, I could have dealt with those things.

    When her cat and dog passed away, in the course of a couple months of one another, the bedroom shut down, she shut down, and was living in her own head or on the iPad I bought her. And I began to resent her again.

    So like an asshole I turned to an old friend and started e-cheating. I carried on an emotional thing with her for 9 months, and never stopped to think that this would hurt the person I love.

    Well, it did.

    And of course, as it always happens, the "other woman" around 4am one morning narced me out through a fake email account, sending screen shots of the explicit text messages and emails we had shared.

    Which brings me to today. Moved into a new house five doors down, trying to help with the fully retarded dog we got together by watching her during the day, and trying to make things right.

    But the point of this diatribe is that you need to look at yourself too when **** implodes. Its really easy, and really false, to try to stick 100% on the other person. It takes two to dance like that, and when you start the dance, it only ends one way.

    Personally, I think we're all pretty much ****ed on this website. BlackOhio and I are just more honest about it.
    #69 Nov 29, 2012   
  30. norbar Active Member

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2007
    Messages:
    8,124
    Media:
    5
    Location:
    Warsaw :/
    I've had some "right girls" after some time people changed. That's that. Though right now I just don't believe in the concept. Strong, great feelings, life experiences are great when they happen, if it's gone it's gone and there is no reason to drag it. You may think it's worth it but you will find another great person which will click for some time, you will both appreciate each other very much and will both have a great time and grow together. That's important. Just leave the other person happier than she was before you met her and it's fine.
    Also another reason why I don't want kids.
    #70 Nov 29, 2012   
  31. rockofullr confused

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2009
    Messages:
    4,851
    Location:
    East Bay, Cali


    Most epic description of a breakup ever.
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2012
    #71 Nov 29, 2012   
  32. DirtMcGirk <b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2008
    Messages:
    6,464
    Location:
    Oz
    #72 Nov 29, 2012   
  33. blackohio Generous jaywalker

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2009
    Messages:
    2,420
    Location:
    Hellafornia. Formerly stumptown.
    Im pretty sure without even having met you, but the two of us, some booze and a ladies night at a resort bar could potentially be the greatest single event in modern history or the worst possible scenario. could go either way, and as drunken history has told me countless times it rides the line between those two scenarios rather dangerously. All it takes is one "what the **** did you say to Cindy!?!" moment to push it beyond return.
    #73 Nov 29, 2012   
  34. norbar Active Member

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2007
    Messages:
    8,124
    Media:
    5
    Location:
    Warsaw :/
    Watch Chasing Amy. Seriously. A great movie about sexual insecurity of that kind.I was there though I was 20 at the time. Learned the hard way.
    #74 Nov 29, 2012   
  35. rockofullr confused

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2009
    Messages:
    4,851
    Location:
    East Bay, Cali
    #75 Nov 29, 2012   
  36. DirtMcGirk <b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2008
    Messages:
    6,464
    Location:
    Oz
    I'm going on the record now saying I am still trying to work things out with the ex-gf. I think if you and I got together in the same town with booze that 1) she'd never speak to me again (which would really actually sadden me) and b) there might be a nuclear criticality that would bring about a gravitational singularity that would end the world, space/time and the universe as we understand it.

    So I'll keep you informed.
    #76 Nov 29, 2012   
  37. blackohio Generous jaywalker

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2009
    Messages:
    2,420
    Location:
    Hellafornia. Formerly stumptown.
    **** the planet, lets break ****.
    #77 Nov 29, 2012   
  38. jimmydean The Official Meat of Ridemonkey

    Rep  |  Likes:
    7   |   9
    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2001
    Messages:
    22,814
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    :cheers:
    #78 Nov 29, 2012   
  39. Serial Midget Al Bundy

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2002
    Messages:
    8,986
    Media:
    3
    Location:
    Fort of Rio Grande
    It sounds like you're leaving your options open...

    #79 Nov 29, 2012   
  40. Serial Midget Al Bundy

    Rep  |  Likes:
    0   |   0
    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2002
    Messages:
    8,986
    Media:
    3
    Location:
    Fort of Rio Grande
    I blame the Jeep.
    #80 Nov 29, 2012   

Share This Page