[jackalope]

I'm looking to start my own mountain bike marketing company, so I need to build up a database portfolio for my potential clients. Obviously, by understanding what really sucks I can help guide companies through the complex labyrinth of e-speculation, anecdotal horseshit, and arbitrary Linkage graphs. And yes, 'loco sucks' and 'bacon' are assumed givens, and I will include these data points in the final results.

Thanks in advance,

Marlarketing Technology, LLC

 

[epic]

You forgot Brian Lopes.

 

[Dogboy]

Can't pick them all, so I'm not voting. Also, you forgot Blenki.

 

[jackalope]

^^
They limit the number of poll options, otherwise it would've been 3X longer. But yes, Blenki's air pedals are an egregious affront to all things good in mountain biking. I actually vomited when I saw his Leogang run...

 

[jonKranked]

You forgot Brian Lopes.

that's "things without shirts that can't park"

 

[jackalope]

that's "things without shirts that can't park"

What do you have against strippers?

 

[Westy]

I voted for myself as when compared, y'all suck. Except for Kidwoo, he seems pretty good.

 

[kidwoo]

Kidwoo,

totally unrideable

 

[Jeremy R]

totally unrideable

Its a gland problem.

 

[kidwoo]

I'm just big glanned!

I've got a vas deferens that would swallow a house.

 

[HAB]

The best bike I've ever owned has 26" wheels, a 10 speed drivetrain, rims narrower than 30mm, tires under 3.0" wide, a chain, a CC shock, and a leverage ratio over 2.1.

 

[Trekrules]

This poll isnt complete with out Josh Bender

 

[William42]

Is 9 speed too archaic and dinosaury to even be listed? Or is that still legit?

 

[norbar]

The Internet

 

[jstuhlman]

Did your "friend" hack your account?

 

[Sandwich]

If it's not a thermoplastic bash guard, then it sucks.

 

[jonKranked]

If it's not a thermoplastic bash guard, then it sucks.

i found an OG evil bash guard in my parts bin over the weekend.

 

[HAB]

i found an OG evil bash guard in my parts bin over the weekend.

I have one of those somewhere too. Kinda makes me want to rebuild the Draco just because.

 

[jonKranked]

I have one of those somewhere too. Kinda makes me want to rebuild the Draco just because.

i've been considering turning mine into a clock for my workshop

 

[norbar]

Did your "friend" hack your account?

I have no friends

 

['size]

3:1 4 lyfe

 

[jackalope]

3:1 4 lyfe

Wut eva...I mean fuck, have you ever ridden an AM bike with a 2.25" stroke shock rather than a 2.5"? Let me answer that for you - no, you haven't, because Teamrobot says its unrideable...no damping, it heats up to well over 1,000*C on even the shortest downhill sections, and your girlfriend will leave you for a guy with a bigger stroke shock. And let's face it, why even screw around with a 2.5", when you can go all Foes and stuff a 3.5" stroker in there? Quite frankly, I think the only real answer to suspension nirvana is 1:1

 

[Dogboy]

In retrospect this poll could've simply been one option - Everything. Bikes are no fun.

 

[TrumbullHucker]

please add 26" DHRs to the list

 

[jackalope]

please add 26" DHRs to the list

I was afraid it would break the monkey server, if not the whole internets. In fact, I am lobbying the urban dictionary to add "DHR" to the traditional curse word list. For example:

"Hey officer, suck my DHR!!!"
"No way I'd DHR her, we're like, totally platonic..."
"Jesus, my old Cheeta Prowler DHR'd so bad!!!"
"You know what, they're never going to have a decent QB...DHR the Jets!!!"

Hopefully it will catch on.


Btw, have to admit I'm disappointed the CCDB isn't fairing better, as it certainly seems like its the worst shock since the Risse Jupiter.

 

[SylentK]

If I could, I'd vote 3 times for the Cane Creek one.

 

[StiHacka]

Please add mountains to the list. And rocks. And roots.

Obviously they are all unrideable.

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

 

[slimshady]

I'd like to nominate Udi for that poll. Just because it's pouring rain outside and I could use a good e-fistfight. Plus he's a Fox fanboi and everyone knows that just sucks.

 

[kickstand]

No "looks like a ....." no care.

 

[SuboptimusPrime]

Turns out the Pike is a flexing, binding, overpriced piece of unrideable ass-garbage. Add it to the list.

 

[jackalope]

God damn, I love the innernet sometimes...it's like an ethereal latrine where people deposit completely unfounded, laughably fictional fuctarded shit.

 

[jonKranked]

 

[Westy]

God damn, I love the innernet sometimes...it's like an ethereal latrine where people deposit completely unfounded, laughably fictional fuctarded shit.

The internet is the existential expression of what is logically impossible but humanly common. Godot should be here anytime to straighten this all out.

 

[Nick]

I'm not sure, and I could be wrong, but I think this poll might suck.

Here is a cat eating bacon.

 

[jstuhlman]

godot...still waiting for that a-hole. here, too, is a bunny with a pancake:

 

[Westy]

Here is a different type of bunny sporting flapjacks.

Deep down I think we all know that the real problem is the lack of supermonsters, 3" Gazzalodis on 24" rear wheels and not enough rootbeer powder coat.

 

[StiHacka]

Godot should be here anytime to straighten this all out.

I have it from the highest authority that Godot is refusing to leave his bong shed.

 

[Westy]

I have it from the highest authority that Godot is refusing to leave his bong shed.

Dude, I am in his bong shed. WTF??

 

[jstuhlman]

well let him out then, you prick!