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How do you deal with the loss of your little girl

shocktower

shocktower

Monkey
Sep 7, 2001
622
0
Molalla Oregon
I know I have not been here for awhile but ,I knew that you would help to bear the pain ,.On Thrusday 2 1030 pm my 8 year old daughter Alexa Drew Hightower was killed in a car crash ,I just fricking hate life right now ,my poor wife has a C2 fracture and is still in hospital luckly she has no spinal cord injuries which I `am glad about ,my 7 year old daughter was injured severly also and she is in hospital she had to have part of her colon removed be cause the impact was so bad .here`s the artical www.molallapioneer.com also my daugters best friend was killed Shelby was 9

Alexa Drew Hightower 11-9-95 to 10-28-2004 :note her b-day will be next monday ,I was going to get here her first MTB R.I.P my Love :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:
 
J

JRB

Guest
I am so sorry to hear this news. I only pray your wife and 7 year old will be ok. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help.
 
G

GeoffW

Monkey
Feb 26, 2003
116
0
Very sorry to hear! I've never been in a situation anywhere near what your in, so my advice would be worthless. Thoughts and prayers are with you
 
tmx

tmx

aka chromegoddess
Mar 16, 2003
1,683
2
Portland
My deepest condolences. Seems impossible to fathom the depth of pain and confusion you must be dealing with.

Keep putting one foot in front of the next, as best you can...for your wife, your 7 yr old, and all your loved ones. Mostly for you and Alexa.
 
DVNT

DVNT

Turbo Monkey
Jul 16, 2004
1,844
0
I'm sorry to hear that.
Be strong and weather the storm. I know it is a difficult thing to imagine right now, but be strong for yourself. My thoughts are with you.
 
binary visions

binary visions

The voice of reason
Jun 13, 2002
22,102
1,153
NC
So sorry, shocktower. My deepest sympathies and thoughts are with you and the rest of your family.

Talk to people... Don't shut the world out.
 
Heidi

Heidi

Der hund ist laut und braun
Aug 22, 2001
10,184
797
Bend, Oregon
I am very deeply sorry to hear/read that. I can only offer my good thoughts and caring. Cherish your family.
 
pixelninja

pixelninja

Turbo Monkey
Jun 14, 2003
2,131
0
Denver, CO
I'm so sorry to hear this. I don't know what I would do if I lost my daughter. My condolences to you and your family. I hope that your wife and your daughter have speedy recoveries.
 
Echo

Echo

crooked smile
Jul 10, 2002
11,819
15
Slacking at work
I'm very sorry to hear about your loss :(

You might want to send a PM to mantispf2000 here, I believe he lost a young daughter as well, he may have some help for you dealing with the pain.
 
N8 v2.0

N8 v2.0

Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Oct 18, 2002
11,003
149
The Cleft of Venus
:(

I have a little girl and I know the hole that her loss would leave in my soul.

I can't imagine the pain you must feel... but you should talk, and cry and share with someone.
 
Yossarian

Yossarian

Monkey Pimp
Jul 25, 2001
1,702
99
Aboard the Inchcliffe Castle
I am extremely sorry to hear of your loss. As a father of two, I don't really know what I would do in your situation, except try almost anything within reason to deal with the pain. As difficult as it seems, It is important for you to be strong for those that survived.

As several monkeys have said before, do not be afraid to ask us for help, advice or whatever it is you need.
 
M

Megan Black

I rocked whistler in a mini skirt and f$@* me boot
Jul 28, 2004
762
0
Beaver-town, OR
So sorry to hear about your loss, shocktower. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I wish I could do more than simply offer my condolences.

Do you have any pics you would like to post of Alexa?
 
jebfour

jebfour

Turbo Monkey
Jun 19, 2003
2,071
1,419
CLT, NC
I'm terribly sorry to hear of your loss, I can't imagine what you must be going through. Your family will be in my prayers.

There are lots of great people on these boards.....don't be afraid to "let it out" through RM.......
 
El Jefe

El Jefe

Dr. Phil Jefe
Nov 26, 2001
793
0
OC in SoCal
That's terrible. My only fear in life is that of losing my daughter. I wish peace for you, and a full recovery for those who survived.
 
ÆX

ÆX

Turbo Monkey
Sep 8, 2001
4,920
17
NM
having a child now, i can't see how you are dealing with it.
i am so very sorry, you are in my prayers.


alex
 
Jeremy R

Jeremy R

<b>x</b>
Nov 15, 2001
9,698
1,053
behind you with a snap pop
I can't comprehend what you are having to go through, and I am truly sorry for your devasting loss.
I lost my mother less than 5 years back from a violent death as well, and that was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. Losing a child is worse, and you have the added stress of caring for your injured wife and child. I will be praying for you and your family.
As far as dealing with your daughters death, there is no solution for the short term. It was a tragic loss, and the darkness and the pain that you have to go through is a cruel part of life. You have probaly heard other people say that "a part of them died that day." I used to think that was just a saying,
but it's true. A hole will be left in you forever over this, but the one thing that really helps is simply time. Over time, all the darkness that you are feeling right now will slowly ease away. Its hard to imagine now I know,
and its different time lengths for different people, but over time things will get better. Just do not lose hope in the short term. One thing that helped me was grieving right away. I did not hold anything back, I cried and cried hard.
And my family members that held it in, had a tougher time dealing with it later.
Another hard part to go through is the "forgetting" process. After a few years, when you life gets back closer to normal, I would start forgetting things like the sound of her laugh, her voice, and even her face. But just time and talking to others will help you get through all this, and it will be a slow process. In my particular situation I have come to a place where I only have positive memories of my mother. Instead of focusing on a horrible end,
you can hope for just thinking back on your daughter, and remembering all the good times. Sorry if I rambled here, I just wanted you to know that there is hope for the future, especially when you have a family to love and care for.
 
douglas

douglas

Chocolate Milk Doug
May 15, 2002
9,887
6
Shut up and Ride
Shocktower,

I am so saddened and sorry to hear this news.

My brother and my mom both died (in car accidents) before I turned 16, the death of a close family member has to be the most difficult thing life can present you.

My thought and prayers will be with you, and your family.

Doug
 
Leethal

Leethal

Turbo Monkey
Oct 27, 2001
1,240
0
Avondale (Phoenix)
I am so sorry.......... I will keep you in my prayers.

You proably won't want to for a few months and shouldn't but If you can afford it you and the rest of your family should definitely seek counseling, the statstics for married couples breaking up after losing a child is really high.
 
Dirt rider

Dirt rider

Pro Rider
Nov 18, 2001
505
0
redneck wasteland
talk about it thats all I can really say.. just talk..

what you feel of the surface may not be the complete asnwer to your questions. so if you talk ,you will find answers.


I might also suggest that you do ride on the 9th go to where you would have taken her on her new bike. take somthing of her's with you if you like. remember that she is at peace and can ride with you wherever you go.
 
Andyman_1970

Andyman_1970

Turbo Monkey
Apr 4, 2003
3,105
5
The Natural State
Shocktower, know that you and your family are in our prayers, I'll mention this to my wife also, and we'll keep you guys on our "list".

Don't be afraid to cry alot, and ask lots of questions no matter how hard they are. The advice to get some counseling is an excellent one, I would highly recommend it.
 
D

Dingus McGee

Guest
I can't even read the previous 3 pages...I am truly sad and nearly crying at my desk.
Man, I don't know what to say or how immensely difficult losing a child could be. I have 3 myslef and it could all disappear in the wink of an eye in this crazy world - I am thinking about you and you family. Hang in there and carry on.
 
B

bomberz1qr20

Turbo Monkey
Nov 19, 2001
1,007
0
As a father myself, I cannot even fathom what you must be facing. My prayers of peace go to you and your family today.
 
DH Diva

DH Diva

Wonderwoman
Jun 12, 2002
1,808
1
I'm so sorry. I heard about the accident, but had no idea it was your family. My deepest condolances. Every time I've come up to that intersection I am worried about getting hit. It's very dangerous and I wish ODOT would figure it out before this happens to another family. Stay strong. Is there an address to where get well cards or other items could be sent to madison??
 
A

auntesther

Monkey
Oct 15, 2001
293
0
Boston, MA
I dont know what could possibly be said to offer you some comfort. I am truly saddened and sorry for your loss. Your grief must be unimaginable. I have 3 kids and I dont know how I could deal with the loss of them. As others have said, cry, and cry hard. Give yourself the chance to grieve for your great loss and be strong for your wife and daughter when they need your strength. They are grieveing too and they will need you there with them. Most of all, find a way to carry on.
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
 
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