Funny Bachelorpad Stories
- Thread starter golgiaparatus
- Start date
This happened to me in high school. A small group of friends and I routinely played after school, but the guns never left the trunk of my car during class. I never did figure out how the administration knew I had them.
Having attended Cal Poly SLO during the glory days (10 years ago) of Mardis Gras, I have partaken in a faux riot or two. The last of which was some 4 or 5 years ago when two friends and I found ourselves amidst a police barricade and tear gas. Lucky we were able to escape arrest, but an acquaintance of mine couldn't get away. That was fun. Not.
Sophomore year one of my friends got in a fight with some dude at the bar. What he didn't realize was that he was a former hockey player and it was the hockey team alumni weekend. All the other hockey players jumped in, everyone who knew my friend jumped in to help him. It spilled into the street and pretty much turned into a riot. I got a call to come down and help. I just hopped in my car, drove through the melee and pulled any of the friends I could find into my car and got the hell out of there. No way in hell I was going to get directly involved in that.
Went out drinking after finals one year. Staggering home past one of the university residences, which happened to have a full-length glass window at ground level into the "study room". Buddy decided to gloat over those students that were less fortunate than ourselves and still hard at work studying for remaining finals, drops his pants, and moons through said glass window. Except buddy is pretty wasted, and the skills of balance have long since deserted him. Falls backwards, through glass and ends up in a bloody heap in the middle of the floor of the study room. Laughter/panic take over and all of us start running down the street away from the scene, complete with buddy who just about managed to pick himself (though not his pants) up and stagger down the road, before he passes out from the large amounts of blood pouring from his buttocks. He wakes up in the hospital, with 50 or so stitches in his rear end, and a hefty bill to replace the window.
The day of my 21st birthday I had a presentation to give in a class. Buddies wanted me to go out the night before when I turned 21 at midnight. Figured the bars were only open for 2 hours, what trouble could I get in? Walked into the bar with 21 shots lined up and managed to drink them all (not all 80 proof). I didn't walk out of the bar. Got loaded into the back of a friends jeep. Apparently I got ejected from the jeep when he pulled into the driveway too fast. My friends then decided to shoot roman candles at me until the cops showed up. Woke up the next morning just a few minutes before my presentation. Grabbed my stuff and ran to class. My biggest birthday present ever, class was canceled. It wasn't until my walk home did I realize that I was covered in my own vomit and had holes burnt into my clothes from roman candles.
I had two roommates at one time, in a 4 bedroom apartment. One had an amazing ability to unknowingly date bi-polar girls. Those relationships always involved lots of fighting and yelling. The other roommate figured himself to have a nice greenthumb. He had decided that growing pot was too risky in our living situation and was growing a healthy crop of radishes in his closet under some lights. lol...
One night the roommate with the poor choice of girls is having a knock-down drag out and the downstairs neighbors called the cops. Wouldn't have been a problem except that we were 'known' to the local pd as trouble makers, and they showed up raring to go. There were bongs and such laying around, enough for the police to get a search warrant for the rest of the place. I'll never forget the cop who hauled out the tray of radishes, beaming ear to ear, telling us how f*cked we were for growing pot.
"You guys are busted for growing marijuana" "Officer, thats not marijuana, those are radishes." "What do you think I am? STUPID?!" hahahaha.....
when I was a freshman in the dorms I had bought this bottle of mayo to make tuna sandwiches, but never got around to making any. When I was moving out in the spring I thought it would be funny to take the bottle, one of those squeeze ones, outside and jump on it with the lid open. I had a couple friends with me to watch the stream of mayo shoot out. Needless to say, when I jumped on the bottle nothing came out the lid, but the back blew out covering my friends in mayo. I laughed, they were not happy.
One night the roommate with the poor choice of girls is having a knock-down drag out and the downstairs neighbors called the cops. Wouldn't have been a problem except that we were 'known' to the local pd as trouble makers, and they showed up raring to go. There were bongs and such laying around, enough for the police to get a search warrant for the rest of the place. I'll never forget the cop who hauled out the tray of radishes, beaming ear to ear, telling us how f*cked we were for growing pot.
"You guys are busted for growing marijuana" "Officer, thats not marijuana, those are radishes." "What do you think I am? STUPID?!" hahahaha.....
when I was a freshman in the dorms I had bought this bottle of mayo to make tuna sandwiches, but never got around to making any. When I was moving out in the spring I thought it would be funny to take the bottle, one of those squeeze ones, outside and jump on it with the lid open. I had a couple friends with me to watch the stream of mayo shoot out. Needless to say, when I jumped on the bottle nothing came out the lid, but the back blew out covering my friends in mayo. I laughed, they were not happy.
Top notch thread.
Here's a good one, not as "crazy" as some but I got a laugh.
My little brother, David, and I were on the UCLA Ski and Snowboard Team. One night we are partying at a condo in Mammoth and my bro starts pissing over the balcony onto the driveway. As he is relieving himself one of the girls from the team walks right into his stream. He pinched it off and we bolted.
We were both pretty sure he peed on a black girl and, being a snow sports team, there was only one black girl on the team so we thought we knew who got peed on.
At the time David didn't say anything but a few weeks later we were at another party with the same girl. My bro walks up to her and says, "I want to apologize, I peed on you"
She just stares at him and says "no you didn't"
He tries to tell her one more time that he pissed on her during one of the ski team trips but she was having none of it.
Needless to say there was a really awkward moment after that and David pretty much avoided her from there on out.
Here's a good one, not as "crazy" as some but I got a laugh.
My little brother, David, and I were on the UCLA Ski and Snowboard Team. One night we are partying at a condo in Mammoth and my bro starts pissing over the balcony onto the driveway. As he is relieving himself one of the girls from the team walks right into his stream. He pinched it off and we bolted.
We were both pretty sure he peed on a black girl and, being a snow sports team, there was only one black girl on the team so we thought we knew who got peed on.
At the time David didn't say anything but a few weeks later we were at another party with the same girl. My bro walks up to her and says, "I want to apologize, I peed on you"
She just stares at him and says "no you didn't"
He tries to tell her one more time that he pissed on her during one of the ski team trips but she was having none of it.
Needless to say there was a really awkward moment after that and David pretty much avoided her from there on out.
Any night drinking with crabjoe
Last edited:
Tracer spuds.
Things happen, it's fine. Some stories are best left untold.
Last edited:
we all know how women go to the bathroom in groups!!
well we hid a baby monitor in the bathroom and would listen in when the girls would go in gossip.
that made it really to know what girl to make the move on.
this other apartment we had was off park ave in rochester ny. we did not get along with the college footbal players that lived 2 doors down, so at least once a week in the middle of the night we would take one of the other houses furniture off their porch and put it on the football players porch. then we would laugh our ass off the next day watching them carry it back and apologize.
the best was after they had a huge party, just b4 the sun came up we took the furniture from like 5 houses and set it up all over their porch, yard, driveway. these poor guys got scolded by every bitchy wife on the block..
well we hid a baby monitor in the bathroom and would listen in when the girls would go in gossip.
that made it really to know what girl to make the move on.
this other apartment we had was off park ave in rochester ny. we did not get along with the college footbal players that lived 2 doors down, so at least once a week in the middle of the night we would take one of the other houses furniture off their porch and put it on the football players porch. then we would laugh our ass off the next day watching them carry it back and apologize.
the best was after they had a huge party, just b4 the sun came up we took the furniture from like 5 houses and set it up all over their porch, yard, driveway. these poor guys got scolded by every bitchy wife on the block..
one of my old roomies had a guy at his job build us the ultimate wiffle ball backstop. it stood about 5.5 ft tall. made out of tubular steel with a metal grate for the plate. powdercoated black with a homeplate painted on the grate. and it had 4 bottle holders in the back to hold beers while you were up at the plate. we had a HUGE back yard to play in. it sucked when he got married because he took it with him!!! i still hate him to this day for that, and it's been almost 10 yrs.
There was the whole "worst night of my life" ordeal, but aside from that...
I used to have this roommate Chad, who was the nicest guy, a little weird, artsy fella but from a nice christian family. Well he would get totally sh*thoused, on occasion and when he did, you could play all kinds of pranks on him. One night he was really drunk, somebody got ahold of his cell phone at like 3 a.m. and called his parents... when the answering machine picked up, they said "hey chad, say the worst thing you can think of" and Chad says into the phone "I want to eat a turkey basted in my own cum" then they hang the phone up.
Next day Chad gets a call from his parents. They tell him they dont want him calling the house anymore and to leave the family alone.
Another night he got really ripped and passed out. We put all kinds of raw meat in his pockets. Raw bratwurst in his underwear, etc. When he woke up he was screaming We also convinced him that he'd made out with a dude the night before, and he bought it. He was depressed for a quite a while, until we felt so bad we had to tell him the truth.
I used to have this roommate Chad, who was the nicest guy, a little weird, artsy fella but from a nice christian family. Well he would get totally sh*thoused, on occasion and when he did, you could play all kinds of pranks on him. One night he was really drunk, somebody got ahold of his cell phone at like 3 a.m. and called his parents... when the answering machine picked up, they said "hey chad, say the worst thing you can think of" and Chad says into the phone "I want to eat a turkey basted in my own cum" then they hang the phone up.
Next day Chad gets a call from his parents. They tell him they dont want him calling the house anymore and to leave the family alone.
Another night he got really ripped and passed out. We put all kinds of raw meat in his pockets. Raw bratwurst in his underwear, etc. When he woke up he was screaming
We also convinced him that he'd made out with a dude the night before, and he bought it. He was depressed for a quite a while, until we felt so bad we had to tell him the truth.
Don't let it die, this stuff is funny.
A while back the guys I lived with and I threw a party. We bought a bunch of booze, set up a bar, and proceeded to have a grand old time. There were probably a 100-150 people there, all of whom were pretty drunk. At one point in the night, I produced a 5th of rum, and demanded that one of the guys I lived with take a shot with me as the two of us were tending bar. He declined, which I was not pleased with. Still behind the bar, with maybe 10 people standing around it waiting for drinks, I yelled "Chris, this is what you don't have" and whipped it out. He was a little to drunk to fully process what was going on, just kind of stood there in jaw dropped amazement that I'd just flashed him. He promptly retaliated by spreading a rumor that I'd slept with a tranny that night.
A while back the guys I lived with and I threw a party. We bought a bunch of booze, set up a bar, and proceeded to have a grand old time. There were probably a 100-150 people there, all of whom were pretty drunk. At one point in the night, I produced a 5th of rum, and demanded that one of the guys I lived with take a shot with me as the two of us were tending bar. He declined, which I was not pleased with. Still behind the bar, with maybe 10 people standing around it waiting for drinks, I yelled "Chris, this is what you don't have" and whipped it out.
He was a little to drunk to fully process what was going on, just kind of stood there in jaw dropped amazement that I'd just flashed him. He promptly retaliated by spreading a rumor that I'd slept with a tranny that night.
Well, this isn't my story but I thought it was worth retelling.
A co-worker attended college after his military stint, and one day some of his stuff was stolen. Classic scenario, especially when he learned his roommate was the thief.
Only thing was that he had done his hitch in Southeast Asian in the late 60's. After doing several combat patrols in Vietnam, this very mild mannered man was not a person to f*** with.
He pulled a .357 on his roommate and told him to return his stuff ASAP. He was not joking when he said "or it is your life."
A co-worker attended college after his military stint, and one day some of his stuff was stolen. Classic scenario, especially when he learned his roommate was the thief.
Only thing was that he had done his hitch in Southeast Asian in the late 60's. After doing several combat patrols in Vietnam, this very mild mannered man was not a person to f*** with.
He pulled a .357 on his roommate and told him to return his stuff ASAP. He was not joking when he said "or it is your life."
Last edited:
Not too crazy, but bike related!
So in San Luis we have this event called "The Bike Happening" aka "Bike Night" where hundreds of people get on their bikes (typically intoxicated) and ride laps around the downtown area. This goes down the first Thursday night of every month along with an optional dress-up theme. A couple months ago they had a 'cops and robbers' theme so my roommates and I put black robber masks around our eyes with some poster paint. After bike night we head to a bar that used to have a killer deal for 50 cent beers. Well not too many people remember the rest of the night until we all get calls at around 2am from our one buddy who goes by "Ragdoll." Apparently he was at a Vons parking lot talking to the cops in a city (Los Osos) 12 miles away still wearing his robber's mask. He claimed that he was heading home from bike night (less than a mile's distance ride) and thought he had a flat because of how hard it was to get home . Cops let him go and he got picked up by our 'tied down with a girlfriend' aka sober roommate.
This is the same roommate who a couple weeks prior claimed he got a gun pulled on him after he woke up in front of a house and knocked on the door to see where he was at 4a.m. in the morning.
So in San Luis we have this event called "The Bike Happening" aka "Bike Night" where hundreds of people get on their bikes (typically intoxicated) and ride laps around the downtown area. This goes down the first Thursday night of every month along with an optional dress-up theme. A couple months ago they had a 'cops and robbers' theme so my roommates and I put black robber masks around our eyes with some poster paint. After bike night we head to a bar that used to have a killer deal for 50 cent beers. Well not too many people remember the rest of the night until we all get calls at around 2am from our one buddy who goes by "Ragdoll." Apparently he was at a Vons parking lot talking to the cops in a city (Los Osos) 12 miles away still wearing his robber's mask. He claimed that he was heading home from bike night (less than a mile's distance ride) and thought he had a flat because of how hard it was to get home . Cops let him go and he got picked up by our 'tied down with a girlfriend' aka sober roommate.
This is the same roommate who a couple weeks prior claimed he got a gun pulled on him after he woke up in front of a house and knocked on the door to see where he was at 4a.m. in the morning.
I lived in the rugby house for a bit before moving in with my exwife.
For some reason we had attracted a number of dudes who were groupies, but didn't want to play. Think the guy who wears his sister's pants now, just ten years ago.
There was one guy we called Scoobie. He would always pass out on his hands and knees, usually face down in something disgusting.
We had this one rugger hugger who was down to do just about anything we asked of her. We had asked Scoobie many, many times to just not come back, as he was a mooch and a cock blocker of the highest order. We talked her into making out with him until he passed out, at which a point we had her super glue his dick to his balls.
Never came back after that night.
For some reason we had attracted a number of dudes who were groupies, but didn't want to play. Think the guy who wears his sister's pants now, just ten years ago.
There was one guy we called Scoobie. He would always pass out on his hands and knees, usually face down in something disgusting.
We had this one rugger hugger who was down to do just about anything we asked of her. We had asked Scoobie many, many times to just not come back, as he was a mooch and a cock blocker of the highest order. We talked her into making out with him until he passed out, at which a point we had her super glue his dick to his balls.
Never came back after that night.
Me and some buddies were in my old college apartment, watching an art film and listening to techno while enjoying some, well, let's call em "portobello". Me, my roommate, and another guy went out to take a walk around the complex and all the grass and open areas on the grounds. after a good bit of cloudwatching and zoning out, me and my roommate went back to my apartment. My third buddy, tho, stayed outside to watch clouds.
Two hours later, we began wondering where devin was. So we head back outside, turn the corner, and there he is, swimming for dear life in the grass next to a tree.
he had apparently forgotten what he'd eaten and was very, very lost. took him home and he played with the cat for the remainder of the afternoon.
Two hours later, we began wondering where devin was. So we head back outside, turn the corner, and there he is, swimming for dear life in the grass next to a tree.
he had apparently forgotten what he'd eaten and was very, very lost. took him home and he played with the cat for the remainder of the afternoon.
Give a lunatic a paint ball gun and you would expect a Jackson Pollack...
Something college would endorse.
Wow this thread has been great... I'll drop another story.
Same roommate, different place. We had been out at the bar and picked up a couple of girls. Bar had closed and we weren't done drinking yet, so we all went back to our sh!thole pad thinking we had some beers or something.
We got back there... no beer, only 151 rum left and no mixer, no chaser. My buddy was already wasted so I gave him the first shot. He slammed it like a champ, winced for a minute, and then went back to trying to close the deal with this girl. Mid sentence he burped and continued talking like nothing had happened. What he didn't realize is that he had burped up a huge chunk of puke onto his own shoulder. No one said anything.
When he finally realized it, it sent him running for the toilet.
Same roommate, different place. We had been out at the bar and picked up a couple of girls. Bar had closed and we weren't done drinking yet, so we all went back to our sh!thole pad thinking we had some beers or something.
We got back there... no beer, only 151 rum left and no mixer, no chaser. My buddy was already wasted so I gave him the first shot. He slammed it like a champ, winced for a minute, and then went back to trying to close the deal with this girl. Mid sentence he burped and continued talking like nothing had happened. What he didn't realize is that he had burped up a huge chunk of puke onto his own shoulder. No one said anything.
When he finally realized it, it sent him running for the toilet.
That was my best Manhattanprjkt171256151 impression.Any night drinking with crabjoe
Miss you buddy.
tank of nitrous, amphetemines, lots of blunts, house music, police came in once, still did not get arrested. funny. hehehe.
...except I hung out with a masseuse in the wee hours of the morn. she had magic hands. 
Oh I fell down once in my yard that night with a huge nitrous ballon. that was funny. well not really thinking back. 
my roommate nick (same from the dropkick story) brought home a deaf chick one night and proceeded to plow her. It sounded like something from a nature program.
is there any other kind?
funny story. i hated having the cops come in to my places, which they did quite frequently it seems. I hated having "where is the LSD?!" shouted in my face. that was do to a bad roommate choice in one of my pads. (same one with the legendary house parties)
yea unfortunately alot of my stories involve the policeman.
We ran out of beer one night and were trying to figure out the best way to find more without leaving. We called the local pizza place and ordered a big pizza. At the end we told the dude if he didn't bring a half rack of beer, he could forget the pizza order. It worked
We ran out of beer one night and were trying to figure out the best way to find more without leaving. We called the local pizza place and ordered a big pizza. At the end we told the dude if he didn't bring a half rack of beer, he could forget the pizza order. It worked
I miss Oregon.
We had a pizza place in Eugene that if you ordered a certain pie/drink combo, they'd bring you a pie and an 8th. God they were great.
We had a pizza place in Eugene that if you ordered a certain pie/drink combo, they'd bring you a pie and an 8th. God they were great.
My friends took up indoor growing as a hobby, and when word got out that they were growing, the most surprising visitors would make appearances: dyke chicks doing their laundry at the house, frat brothers of a friend of a friend watching tv.
They all got hooked up, of course, but the next go around was kept totally secret. Everyone was told they ain't growing anymore, despite an even bigger crop the second time.
I think they did one more cycle before in a fit of paranoia, they tore down their entire setup.
Oh, and I was instrumental in "acquiring" the grow lights. At a job interview, my car broke down. Someone came out to pick me up, and they noticed very powerful ground lights illuminating the building.
That night we returned, and we had what was necessary for growing.
They all got hooked up, of course, but the next go around was kept totally secret. Everyone was told they ain't growing anymore, despite an even bigger crop the second time.
I think they did one more cycle before in a fit of paranoia, they tore down their entire setup.
Oh, and I was instrumental in "acquiring" the grow lights. At a job interview, my car broke down. Someone came out to pick me up, and they noticed very powerful ground lights illuminating the building.
That night we returned, and we had what was necessary for growing.
I babysat two friends one halloween, one bag had little stems/shattered caps while the other bag had a giant unopened cap. The stems friend was relaxed and pretty straight the whole night. The giant cap friend ate his in one bite and forgot it was halloween. In a house party later, he freaked out and found me. "Dude, theres some crazy **** going down and we gotta go now." I thought he was talking about a fight or something. He followed up with "Earlier I saw a priest. Then I saw Jesus, and I just saw the Devil!"
It was alot funnier than the time I ate a few at my buddies cabin. He walked up 5 minutes later to tell me that his family was stopping by and to hold off on eating them. Needless to say nature documentaries are awesome.