[DirtMcGirk]

Went to my brother's wedding in Boulder over the weekend. Event was held at the Boulder Country Club. Some assbag went into my garment bag, stole my pair of Oakley Rx glasses. Why the French would you steal someone's Rx glasses?

Proves that even rich folk can be kleptomaniacs.

Like Vincent Vega said:

"Boy, I wish I could've caught him doing it. I'd have given anything to catch that asshole doing it. It'd been worth him doing it just so I could've caught him doing it."

 

[johnbryanpeters]

Country club member by definition equals assbag. Case closed.

 

[Westy]

i lost my glasses and blamed it on those around me because i am unable to take responsibility for myself.

ftfy.

 

[DirtMcGirk]

ftfy.

Suck these balls. You, right there, put them in your mouth.

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

I call Bullsh!t !!!

Dirt sold his glasses for some meth and hookers, got caught by his girlfriend and now has to cover his tracks.

 

[Westy]

I find the truth to be painful and it causes me to lash out.

ftfy2.

 

[jdcamb]

The suspect wears glasses. He/she goes to this fine establishment. Probably participates in some level of adventure sport. You with me now. Tell your brother to report it to the board... Tools are not always sharp... I shoulda been a cop...

 

[DirtMcGirk]

My brother's in-laws were just renting space. They're not members.

Best part of the outdoor wedding was when some member pulled up next to the wedding, in the middle of the ceremony, honking the horn on his golf cart, screaming at one of his fellow assbag club members. Classy place I tell you!

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

My brother's in-laws were just renting space. They're not members.

Best part of the outdoor wedding was when some member pulled up next to the wedding, in the middle of the ceremony, honking the horn on his golf cart, screaming at one of his fellow assbag club members. Classy place I tell you!

So you felt right at home? What's the issue?

 

[DirtMcGirk]

So you felt right at home? What's the issue?

They wouldn't rent me a golf cart...

 

[jdcamb]

Going on intuition here. If it is that swanky. I think if you called and reported it to the banquet manager they would act on it. No need for getting ugly. What kind of lawyer are you?

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

The irony of this rant coming from the guy who claimed he couldn't attend a MonkeyFest because he'd be too out of control and obnoxious.

 

[jdcamb]

They wouldn't rent me a golf cart...

They park them all along the first 3 holes. Just steal one... Just park it at the 8th and walk back to the clubhouse if you plan to drink in the bar...

 

[DirtMcGirk]

Called the manager. Didn't get much help.

No keys in the karts. I looked. A lot.

 

[Austin Bike]

Members or employees? Think about it for a minute. Was it the millionaire or the waiter or valet getting crap wages?

 

[jdcamb]

Members or employees? Think about it for a minute. Was it the millionaire or the waiter or valet getting crap wages?

These days you never know.... I caught the trusted granny at work steeling paper towels and toilet paper. She does our payroll. She is 70.... Her son sells the blanks at the public market, we have been buying back our own stolen goods... WTF!

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

I caught the trusted granny at work steeling paper towels and toilet paper. She does our payroll.

Sounds painful.

 

[jdcamb]

Sounds painful.

My co workers all hate me for calling the cops. Morale=0

 

[mandown]

"oakley makes the shades that transform a tool"

 

[mandown]

I caught the trusted granny at work steeling

was she from Pittsburgh?

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

was she from Pittsburgh?

Damnit, I knew there was a better steel joke I should have used.

 

[mandown]

dirt, was it this?

or this?

damn, now i want these

 

[stevew]

The irony of this rant coming from the guy who claimed he couldn't attend a MonkeyFest because he'd be too out of control and obnoxious.

dirt scoffs @ you..

 

[sstalder5]

No keys in the karts. I looked. A lot.

I stole a golf cart at my half brother's wedding. I was 11...

I work at a country club pool in the summers though. Some of the indoor staff they hire are scumbags.

 

[stevew]

They wouldn't rent me a golf cart...

not even a hoveround?

 

[johnbryanpeters]

not even a three quarter ton?

That would be the absolute minimum required.

 

[Austin Bike]

My co workers all hate me for calling the cops. Morale=0

Instead of calling the cops, you should have given her an option to pay it back. In court they have "treble damages" so you could have given her the option of paying 3X what she stole and the cops don't need to get involved.

Because she probably sold it for 1/10th the value, that would mean she would have to pay ~30X whatever she made selling it. That would teach her.

 

[Pesqueeb]

My brother's in-laws were just renting space. They're not members.

Best part of the outdoor wedding was when some member pulled up next to the wedding, in the middle of the ceremony, honking the horn on his golf cart, screaming at one of his fellow assbag club members. Classy place I tell you!

Yes, let's all pretend as if you're not going to be that guy in 20 years.

 

[Colonel Angus]

ftfy.

repped

 

[DirtMcGirk]

Yes, let's all pretend as if you're not going to be that guy in 20 years.

Golf requires far too much walking. In 20 years if I keep on like I'm keeping on I'm gonna walk less than Honey Boo Boo's mom.

 

[Da Peach]

ftfy.

ftfy2.

The irony of this rant coming from the guy who claimed he couldn't attend a MonkeyFest because he'd be too out of control and obnoxious.

I have nothing to add.

 

[Kanye West]

I looked up the Oakley RX glasses. Sounds like someone at this here cuntry club did you a favor.

 

[DirtMcGirk]

I looked up the Oakley RX glasses. Sounds like someone at this here cuntry club did you a favor.

Mine were great. Been riding in them on the bike, motorcycle, and driving for two years now. Gotta have sunglasses here in Phoenix, otherwise its like driving through an eclipse camera.

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

Golf requires far too much walking. In 20 years if I keep on like I'm keeping on I'm gonna walk less than Honey Boo Boo's mom.

You know, a bag of flour and you two could be having a real good time.

 

[Beef Supreme]

You know, a bag of flour and you two could be having a real good time.

Not even a glory hole would cover that up. You would hear her chins slapping against the wall.

 

[ICEBALL585]

You know, a bag of flour and you two could be having a real good time.

 

[DirtMcGirk]

She does react to bulk goods in the same way that I do!

 

[MMike]

It is completely appropriate that a DMcG thread veers to Honey Boo Boo

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

 

[ICEBALL585]

Yup.