[JohnE]

So my sister in law (Coke head brothers wife...) sent, over a year ago, a box full of gifts to my kids. Cool, right? There were several in the box, labeled "Birthday 2014" "Xmas 2015" etc. Mind you, we were overseas at the time, and had to transport and store these things back to the states with us.

While I am happy she/they sort of remembered my kids...there is part of me that is a bit put off by this uberefficient, non personal and disconnected effort.

Am I oversensitive? Thoughts please...

 

[johnbryanpeters]

She tried.

 

[StiHacka]

Does she has kids? You don't get kids and people having kids if you don't have kids...

 

[jstuhlman]

i'll take "all of the above," alec.

 

[4130biker]

It is a little strange, likely made more aggravating by the fact that family did it. I've had to learn to accept crazy gift-giving practices myself. When it comes down to it, they are thinking of your kids- maybe not at the socially agreed upon time.. I say give em a pass just to make your life easier.

Also, one other way to look at it: My wife is constantly on the look out for gifts (usually when things are available or on sale). She stores the gifts and gives them at the right time, but I guess you could say she's always thinking about loved ones. Maybe it's something along those lines w/ your sister in law...

 

[jonKranked]

Well this way coke head brother couldn't snort the gifts up his nose...

 

[stevew]

is this her?

 

[golgiaparatus]

Free sh!t is free sh!t. Send her a thank you card that was sent to you with the original sig whited out and yours on top.

 

[Jm_]

So my sister in law (Coke head brothers wife...) sent, over a year ago, a box full of gifts to my kids. Cool, right? There were several in the box, labeled "Birthday 2014" "Xmas 2015" etc. Mind you, we were overseas at the time, and had to transport and store these things back to the states with us.

While I am happy she/they sort of remembered my kids...there is part of me that is a bit put off by this uberefficient, non personal and disconnected effort.

Am I oversensitive? Thoughts please...

Easy fix, two thank you cards, to be opened separately.

 

[kidwoo]

What a cunt. You should poop in a box and send it back.

 

[skibunny24]

She sounds nice.

 

[Kevin]

JohnE, you sort of sound like a woman about this...

 

[JohnE]

She is nice, when you are near...but honestly very superficial and self centered. When you are with her, she must always be the center of attention...parents were big $$ types and paid others to pay attention to her and her equally douchey brother. They (My brother and her...) are DINKS with no concept or desire of how to connect with kids.

Honestly, I rarely speak with my brother, and the kids barely even know who he is. Neither one has ever come to visit us, even though we have taken trips, albeit in conjunction with moves, to see them. Really got pissed when they went to Europe for her uncles wedding...we lived there 7 fucking years and they couldn't be bothered to come visit.

I dont care about myself...but where my kids are involved I get very Momma Bearish...I would very honestly rather they just didn't bother.

 

[skibunny24]

She is nice, when you are near...but honestly very superficial and self centered. When you are with her, she must always be the center of attention...parents were big $$ types and paid others to pay attention to her and her equally douchey brother. They (My brother and her...) are DINKS with no concept or desire of how to connect with kids.

Honestly, I rarely speak with my brother, and the kids barely even know who he is. Neither one has ever come to visit us, even though we have taken trips, albeit in conjunction with moves, to see them. Really got pissed when they went to Europe for her uncles wedding...we lived there 7 fucking years and they couldn't be bothered to come visit.

I dont care about myself...but where my kids are involved I get very Momma Bearish...I would very honestly rather they just didn't bother.

You hooked me here. My brother seems to thing money replaces time spent together also. I had to get his wife to drag him to Lucas' football game for his birthday, and then he left before even seeing him (or say goodbye to me) and didn't come to the BBQ with the rest of the family after. He left a gift with my mother. All because he "isn't ready for kids bday parties," which stemmed from marrying a woman who wants children and promising her said children even though he doesn't want them himself.

My mother bear paws are up too, and I'm just waiting for the adrenaline of the situation to diffuse so I can call him out on this jack-assery. I totally get it. I don't know what you are supposed to do though. Personally I'd like to see some sort of phone call/face time/skype/email/snail mail over this bullshit of gifts acting in place of connection. Do you even want to say anything to her?

 

[JohnE]

"Personally I'd like to see some sort of phone call/face time/skype/email/snail mail over this bullshit of gifts acting in place of connection. Do you even want to say anything to her?"

Exactly...and yeah, not really at this time...

 

[skibunny24]

Oh man now I've done it. I was still fuming about the birthday party this morning, and remembering my wedding. My brother decided 1 month before the wedding that he wanted to move to Korea. He got a job offer that paid really well, so he could have afforded to come back for our big day, but he chose not to. I let it go, even though it really hurt, especially because he is my only sibling, and I helped raise him (he is 6 years younger than me) as my mom was always working and my dad was an alcoholic. He is an ungrateful little prick.

I asked why exactly he didn't come to my son's bday bbq--a family event that my brother in law drove an hour and a half with wife and kids to be there. His excuse was he had to go to the bank and clean his house. So I unleashed the Mother Bear. I let him have it for his selfishness and even brought up the wedding, which I have never said anything about.

I don't know if it was the right thing to do, it doesn't exactly feel good, and I could have used nicer language, but I've had it with that bullshit. Seriously wtf is wrong with him?

 

[jonKranked]

is this now the shitty family thread?

 

[skibunny24]

is this now the shitty family thread?

Looks like it! Vent about family members here--go!

 

[SkaredShtles]

<snip>
I asked why exactly he didn't come to my son's bday bbq--a family event that my brother in law drove an hour and a half with wife and kids to be there. His excuse was he had to go to the bank and clean his house. So I unleashed the Mother Bear. I let him have it for his selfishness and even brought up the wedding, which I have never said anything about.

I don't know if it was the right thing to do, it doesn't exactly feel good, and I could have used nicer language, but I've had it with that bullshit. Seriously wtf is wrong with him?

Don't worry - he's a dude. He will have forgotten about it already.

 

[JohnE]

Oh man now I've done it. I was still fuming about the birthday party this morning, and remembering my wedding. My brother decided 1 month before the wedding that he wanted to move to Korea. He got a job offer that paid really well, so he could have afforded to come back for our big day, but he chose not to. I let it go, even though it really hurt, especially because he is my only sibling, and I helped raise him (he is 6 years younger than me) as my mom was always working and my dad was an alcoholic. He is an ungrateful little prick.

I asked why exactly he didn't come to my son's bday bbq--a family event that my brother in law drove an hour and a half with wife and kids to be there. His excuse was he had to go to the bank and clean his house. So I unleashed the Mother Bear. I let him have it for his selfishness and even brought up the wedding, which I have never said anything about.

I don't know if it was the right thing to do, it doesn't exactly feel good, and I could have used nicer language, but I've had it with that bullshit. Seriously wtf is wrong with him?

My sister in law was 45 minutes from us in Germany, and couldnt be bothered to sit still for a bit so we could come up for a visit...break some bread, take some pics etc. I understand flight schedules, but really? Simply asked them for new pictures to update our family wall on numerous occasions, and nothing.

She has a FB account which is very active, yet she claims to us that she doesnt use it and her "friend" set it up for her. Change your security settings dumb ass...

The big break for me came when we passed through their area on a move, and we had to stay at a hotel in town...while one of their friends stayed at their house (They have a 4 bedroom house overlooking Beaver Creek ski area...)...the friend asked me why he was in the house and we were in a hotel...I had no good answer. He said "Thats kind of fucked up...its just me and you guys are family..."

I for one am simply moving on with my and my families lives. If they dont want to be a a part of it, that is on them, not us. They live, by my humble estimation, an empty life. No kids, no pets, just money, drugs and material possessions and matter to them...not for me, but if its what matters to them,so be it.

A ciascuno il suo modo...

 

[skibunny24]

My sister in law was 45 minutes from us in Germany, and couldnt be bothered to sit still for a bit so we could come up for a visit...break some bread, take some pics etc. I understand flight schedules, but really? Simply asked them for new pictures to update our family wall on numerous occasions, and nothing.

She has a FB account which is very active, yet she claims to us that she doesnt use it and her "friend" set it up for her. Change your security settings dumb ass...

The big break for me came when we passed through their area on a move, and we had to stay at a hotel in town...while one of their friends stayed at their house (They have a 4 bedroom house overlooking Beaver Creek ski area...)...the friend asked me why he was in the house and we were in a hotel...I had no good answer. He said "Thats kind of fucked up...its just me and you guys are family..."

I for one am simply moving on with my and my families lives. If they dont want to be a a part of it, that is on them, not us. They live, by my humble estimation, an empty life. No kids, no pets, just money, drugs and material possessions and matter to them...not for me, but if its what matters to them,so be it.

A ciascuno il suo modo...

Oh man, that is fucked up. I really feel bad for my brother's wife, she is awesome and he is going to lose her. They live 30 mins from us, but don't visit either, but they go to my mom's another 20 mins down the road from us all the time because they are farmers, so he goes and raids their cupboards of the things my mom cans, their veggies, and the chicken eggs. I don't because I don't want to be greedy. She spends hours doing this to save money and food for retirement. Brother can GYHS.

On the other side of the spectrum, my brother in laws are always happy to talk, go out of their way to be there for things like this, and one is even flying out from CO for the weekend to see my boy play football. I'm so grateful that I have 2 fine replacements handy

 

[Westy]

Oh man, that is fucked up. I really feel bad for my brother's wife, she is awesome and he is going to lose her. They live 30 mins from us, but don't visit either, but they go to my mom's another 20 mins down the road from us all the time because they are farmers, so he goes and raids their cupboards of the things my mom cans, their veggies, and the chicken eggs. I don't because I don't want to be greedy. She spends hours doing this to save money and food for retirement. Brother can GYHS.

On the other side of the spectrum, my brother in laws are always happy to talk, go out of their way to be there for things like this, and one is even flying out from CO for the weekend to see my boy play football. I'm so grateful that I have 2 fine replacements handy

Have you considered the fact that maybe he doesn't like you?

 

[skibunny24]

Have you considered the fact that maybe he doesn't like you?

Seems like it, eh? Well I don't like the person he has become either, so there. Holidays should be magical at my mom's this year...

 

[Nick]

GYHS

what is this is?

 

[Westy]

Seems like it, eh? Well I don't like the person he has become either, so there. Holidays should be magical at my mom's this year...

You can't force someone into the relationship you want to have.

 

[skibunny24]

what is this is?

A typo GFYS, but was trying to say "his" rather than "your" to be sure not to insult any monkeys. I wouldn't want anyone to get butthurt around here....

...anyone heard from MMike lately?

 

[skibunny24]

You can't force someone into the relationship you want to have.

Wise words, and I understand, which is why he can go fuck himself and I will move on like he still lives in Korea or something. Mostly I'm worried about my mom. She is so sweet and I know she will be upset. She is always trying to defend him--like 5 years ago before the wedding. But I won't let him hide behind mom's skirt anymore. I called him out, I'm glad I did. Don't mess with my kid.

 

[StiHacka]

Spoiled kids -> spoiled adults.

But hey, being emotionally cold and socially deficient ain't easy either, you know?

 

[Westy]

Wise words, and I understand, which is why he can go fuck himself and I will move on like he still lives in Korea or something. Mostly I'm worried about my mom. She is so sweet and I know she will be upset. She is always trying to defend him--like 5 years ago before the wedding. But I won't let him hide behind mom's skirt anymore. I called him out, I'm glad I did. Don't mess with my kid.

Have you considered the fact that he may be just fine with you and your kid, but not the circumstances you are asking him to attend? I like kids, usually on a one to one basis, but a peewee football game would drive my anxiety levels through the roof.

A good friend of mine has a daughter who is awesome. I spend half my time hanging with her when I visit. She always runs out of the house to greet me when I pull in the driveway.

She asked me to attend her birthday party. No fucking way am I dealing with that. Screaming kids running around and a housefull of soccer moms/dads that I have nothing in common with.

 

[Jm_]

You can't force someone into the relationship you want to have.

Anything is possible if you believe.

 

[Westy]

Anything is possible if you believe.

It helps to have shiny rocks too.

 

[StiHacka]

It helps to have shiny rocks too.

 

[skibunny24]

Have you considered the fact that he may be just fine with you and your kid, but not the circumstances you are asking him to attend? I like kids, usually on a one to one basis, but a peewee football game would drive my anxiety levels through the roof.

A good friend of mine has a daughter who is awesome. I spend half my time hanging with her when I visit. She always runs out of the house to greet me when I pull in the driveway.

She asked me to attend her birthday party. No fucking way am I dealing with that. Screaming kids running around and a housefull of soccer moms/dads that I have nothing in common with.

He bailed on a BBQ at my house with our family.... which his wife wanted to go to. My niece and nephew were there, but that was it kid-wise. He also married his wife with the understanding that she wanted to have kids right away, but pushes aside her needs for his own. I understand that he is fine with us--I know that. But I'm not fine with him bailing on bigger events. He expects me to be there for his shit, but can't be there for my wedding or my child's birthday because he doesn't want to when I expressed how important this is to my son. Doesn't want to does not apply to family functions. Sorry. And it's explaining this to a 9 year old that kills me. He didn't even wait to say Happy Birthday after the game because his meter ran out. He couldn't even just put another half hour on the meter and see his nephew face to face. Call me a crazy mother bear or a crazy chick, but I have a serious issue with that.

 

[JohnE]

Spoiled kids -> spoiled adults.

But hey, being emotionally cold and socially deficient ain't easy either, you know?

Normally, I agree with this statement. But none of us were even close to being spoiled. But we grew up in a town that was somewhat over my parents means. My Pops worked extra jobs, and my Mum worked ft after we could take care of ourselves...somehow my brother got this weird sense of entitlement. I suspect it was from all the rich kids he hung out with...

 

[skibunny24]

Normally, I agree with this statement. But none of us were even close to being spoiled. But we grew up in a town that was somewhat over my parents means. My Pops worked extra jobs, and my Mum worked ft after we could take care of ourselves...somehow my brother got this weird sense of entitlement. I suspect it was from all the rich kids he hung out with...

This is what happened with my brother too. He used to play with my son when he was little, and was a great uncle (which is a huge part of why I have venom dripping out my pores over this). He never had a problem with birthday parties with lots of screaming 2 year olds. However, he went to some techie school in San Fran and thinks he's the shit and superior to everyone around him now. I hope some other company comes in and wipes out technology. Let's see how superior you are then, fucker! I'd miss you guys though! Got a land line? Is that the courtesy phone?

 

[SkaredShtles]

Goodness. Sounds like some people could use some Family Therapy.

 

[mandown]

Only-child.
Vasectomy.

I'm out.