[Mo(n)arch]

Having such an awesome last worldcup race in Meribel, I am more than stoked to see the guys hit their boats and shipping in North direction to fight one hell of a track.
Should be a good one.

My predictions are:

1. Sam Hill: The lonely warrior from down under will slay everything in its path.He will rail turns like he is riding an axe.
2. Simmonds: The giant from the island will rip them Norwegians a new one.
3. Bryceland: He will be late to his race run. He has to sign hundreds of Norwegian boobies. Norways husbands won't be amused.

 

[supercow]

Male

1: Whichever racer has the biggest eyebrows
2: Which ever racer has the longest hair
3: Which ever racer asks god the mostest

Female

1: Which ever says "you know" the most post-interview
2: Can't think of anything witty to say about Manorn, maybe something about her mother being a sheep maybe?
3: French

 

[sethimus]

which god?

 

[jonKranked]

i predict that jackalope will win another WC thread

 

[TrumbullHucker]

in on this

 

[Sandwich]

I think Bryceland is going to win or explode spectacularly.

 

[Mo(n)arch]

which god?

Maybe you ask this guy?

 

[Mo(n)arch]

I think Bryceland is going to win or explode spectacularly.

Lets his hair grow the whole year to be able to headbang during the black-metal aftershow in his rainbow jersey

 

[banj]

Anyone know if Stevie going to be back for this race?

 

[mattmatt86]

Pulling for Sam. I'm a contrarian so I love the fact that he's one of only 2-3 guys still running flat pedals.

 

[Bikael Molton]

so glad I can see this thread!

unfounded random guesses:
Gwin
Bryceland
French eyebrow kid

 

[Sandwich]

so glad I can see this thread!

unfounded random guesses:
Gwin
Bryceland
French eyebrow kid

we tried to keep you out as long as possible...

 

[Bikael Molton]

I installed IE v.1.7 on my Palm so am able to read UCI racing threads on RM now.

 

[jackalope]

Well, now I know why my 4 year old has such a long pinky fingernail, as apparently she had a toot last night and summarily decided sleep is only for the weak. I just wish she'd at least wear the Whitney Houston party perm wig I bought her when she's pontificating about why dog's paws smell like Fritos at 3:30 AM.

So only a surreal amount of coffee is fueling this erudite analysis - apologies in advance.

WHERE - Hafjell, Scanadia. Original home of a mediocre football team (quick, name their starting QB), telemark skiing/white people, Grendel, fun words to say like "Fjords", and perhaps most importantly - Black Metal.

WHEN - Grandparents Day

WHO - Lazy downhillers from all corners of the earth

WHAT - Enduro Lite cycling event


So with the pertinent deets out of the way, lets get down to identifying the likely podium.

Thors:

1.) JBP (i.e. Odin) - For those of you who've read 'American Gods', I think we can all agree that JBP/Billy Gibbons is really just another incarnation of Odin, and this one prefers riding bikes in lieu of a muskox or intricately decorated canoes. But unable to give up the lumbering surefootedness of said furry bovine, JBP gets weird on a fatbike, given their similar mass and acceleration characteristics. Rocking a blackbox equipped Bluto and a pair of Maxxis Creepy Crawly M8090 tires, the All Father death grips it all the way down and easily takes the green light.

2.) Matti Lehikoinen - No surprise the Flying Finn makes a dramatic return to WC racing in his native latitude, but what is unexpected is he doesn't have a massive crash during his run. No tubeless tires exploding upon hitting a tree at 35 mph, no multiple compound fractures, no helicopter rides...Just a clean, smooth run which nets him a Silver. Unfortunately, he stumbles stepping onto the podium and breaks 17 bones. At this point, he opts for the "Wolverine" procedure and gets an adamantium skeleton.

3.) Kristian Espedal - Another shocker, but the Black Metal frontman (and "Gay Person of the Year" in 2010) doesn't have the word "pedal" in his name for no reason. Displaying an unholy fitness level (apparently burning churches is a real calorie burner), Gaahl slays the track astride a rotund, latex clad sex slave (<-- rumored to be Karl Rove) and is only held up by his less than aerodynamic race kit

Shield Maidens

1.) We can only speculate an ancient Viking mariner was using Apple Maps, got a little turned around, and ended up in Oz - but regardless, it's pretty obvious Ms. Daisy Dukes is indeed of Viking lineage.

Huge home court (genetic) advantage for Tracy. At the after party, Tracy shows off an impressive display of operatic vocal talent, thus setting her up for a post-racing career as the world's hottest opera singer.

2.) Manon - the Welsh were on relatively friendly terms with the Vikes back in the day, so the divine hand of Frigga helps push her to an ever so slim advantage over Rach.

3.) Rach - Like the Hatfields & McCoys, The Buffalo Bills & Winning, internet forum posters & reality, Burger King and normal bowel movements, the OG Brits and Vikings were violently incompatible. Thus, Rach can't really relax with all the raging axe wielding super fans crammed behind the tape, so she has to settle for 3rd this time around.



As for pregame fodder to get you in the mood, I highly recommend watching the full short film TULMULT

http://vimeo.com/johnnybarrington/tumult-trailer

After that, check out a breezy little flick called Valhalla Rising. That should put you in the proper frame of mind for the World Enduro Lite Championships

 

[TrumbullHucker]

coffee or meth duuuude ahahahhhh

 

[aenema]

I will miss Jackalope's posts about the races almost as much as I will miss the races... I'm a sad panda.

 

[shelteringsky]

My heart says Hill for the win, but my brain says one of the young bloods like Miami Bryce or Simmonds. I don't think Hill's winning margin in Meribel was large enough to make him a dependable favourite for the World Champs and now that he's a potential favourite and not a dark horse may in fact work against him. Really hope I'm wrong though.

 

[ritche]

1. Gold: single pivot aluminum UK brand Aussie racer
2. Silver: single pivot aluminum UK brand Uk racer
3. Bronze: FSR/NRS carbonz american/ aussie racer or VPP carbonz US brand, Uk racer

all on 650b wheels.

*wildcard, single pivot aluminum frenchy brand and racer.

*would it be nice to see a old school dh racer finally wins his seniors world champs (neethling, fairclough, blenkinsop, beaumont, gwinner etc..).

 

[William42]

Gwin is an oldschool racer? Isn't he younger then Bryceland? He definitely has significantly less time racing worldcups then Bryceland. I thought Gwin was one of the new young guns, he just seems like he's in his mid 40's by the way he talks.

 

[jackalope]

To be fair, he does have dentures.

 

[William42]

I think that's why I find him so endearing, I can just picture him yelling at kids to get off his lawn and he's like 24 years old

"Hey common man, get off my lawn!"

 

[shelteringsky]

Gwin is an oldschool racer? Isn't he younger then Bryceland? He definitely has significantly less time racing worldcups then Bryceland. I thought Gwin was one of the new young guns, he just seems like he's in his mid 40's by the way he talks.

Gwin is 26 and Bryceland is 24 (I did have to Google that). Guess the main difference between the two is that Gwin has been at his peak and fallen off a bit whereas Bryceland is on the up and up.

 

[William42]

Gwin is 26 and Bryceland is 24 (I did have to Google that). Guess the main difference between the two is that Gwin has been at his peak and fallen off a bit whereas Bryceland is on the up and up.

fair enough, 2nd place in the overall is definitely a pretty terrible result, not sure why he even bothered showing up this year amirite?

 

[Mo(n)arch]

Me neither. Specialized killed him literally.
He should enduro his way to his nursing home.

But in all seriousness:
How will Gwin deal with the black metal vibe in Norway?
Were the dark forces the cause that he never could ride finals in Hafjell?

 

[shelteringsky]

fair enough, 2nd place in the overall is definitely a pretty terrible result, not sure why he even bothered showing up this year amirite?

Gwin's 2013 season was sh1t, right? Sure, he has found some form this year, 2nd overall certainly isn't a 'terrible result' but it also a marked decline from absolutely dominating for 2 seasons and winning with massive margins, hence the 'fallen off a bit' comment. The point I'm trying to make is, I would say the Brycelands, Brosnans and Simmonds of the world cup scene are at a different 'trajectory' in their career/performance whereas Gwin has almost invariably peaked and history would suggest that he won't be slaying the WC field for 2 seasons in a row again.

 

[William42]

I agree his 2013 season wasn't anything to write home about particularly given his 2011 and 2012 seasons. I'm not just ignoring that. But take Steve Peat: most overall world cup wins of any rider ever. Has had plenty of up and down seasons. Take Greg Minnaar - 3x world champ, a few overall wins to boot. Plenty of ups and downs. Sam Hill - 3x world champ, 2 (or 3?) time overall winner. Plenty of ups and downs. Gwin has 11 world cups to his name. I don't think it would be all that surprising or shocking if by the time he retires, he has more wins then Sam Hill, Greg Minnaar, or Steve Peat.

I'd argue that Gwin is on a hell of a lot more of an upswing then Simmonds is, going from 1st overall 2x in a row to 13th, then back up to 2nd. Not to mention who knows how the overall would have shaken down if Gwin hadn't gotten that flat in Leogang. He's won there in the past and given the way he was riding that track with a rear flat, he would have had a real win shot there. Anyway my .02$ is that you're out of your mind if you think Gwin is going away, he already has the "one of the best riders in history" thing down, and if you think he's not going to keep adding to that legacy in the same way that Sam Hill and Minnaar are adding to theirs, you're crazy.

All that stupid fanboy nonsense out of the way, I'm inclined to agree that Gwin wont be able to handle the black metal, and will get 4th or 5th after getting a front flat at the top and then riding down full throttle anyway.

 

[mattmatt86]

Gwin thinks God will help him win. Too bad it's the wrong God.

 

[dhmike]

Gwin thinks God will help him win. Too bad it's the wrong God.

I'm picking one of the big S riders for the win with the help of this guy ^.

 

[epic]

Not to mention who knows how the overall would have shaken down if Gwin hadn't gotten that flat in Leogang.

True, but don't forget that Ratty qualified well in SA and then had a mechanical right at the top and got no points for that one.

 

['size]

True, but don't forget that Ratty qualified well in SA and then had a mechanical right at the top and got no points for that one.

actually he got 38 pts in the final and earned less total point in fort william than RSA.

 

[shelteringsky]

I agree his 2013 season wasn't anything to write home about particularly given his 2011 and 2012 seasons. I'm not just ignoring that. But take Steve Peat: most overall world cup wins of any rider ever. Has had plenty of up and down seasons. Take Greg Minnaar - 3x world champ, a few overall wins to boot. Plenty of ups and downs. Sam Hill - 3x world champ, 2 (or 3?) time overall winner. Plenty of ups and downs. Gwin has 11 world cups to his name. I don't think it would be all that surprising or shocking if by the time he retires, he has more wins then Sam Hill, Greg Minnaar, or Steve Peat.

I'd argue that Gwin is on a hell of a lot more of an upswing then Simmonds is, going from 1st overall 2x in a row to 13th, then back up to 2nd. Not to mention who knows how the overall would have shaken down if Gwin hadn't gotten that flat in Leogang. He's won there in the past and given the way he was riding that track with a rear flat, he would have had a real win shot there. Anyway my .02$ is that you're out of your mind if you think Gwin is going away, he already has the "one of the best riders in history" thing down, and if you think he's not going to keep adding to that legacy in the same way that Sam Hill and Minnaar are adding to theirs, you're crazy.

Never said Gwin was going away, just strongly doubt that he'll be so ahead of the curve like he was in 2011 and 2012. With the younger guys coming through, his wins will be more sporadic, just like it is for Hill, Peaty, Minnaar etc. Getting back to the original point, he may have 11 world cups to his name, but still doesn't have a world champs title which is probably needed to earn the 'one of the best riders in history' thing which I think is what Ritche was getting at.

 

[OGRipper]

Ratboy for the win and to keep the rainbow jersey with the team. He's riding with huge momentum, fitness, and focus right now. Much respect to Hill (and Bryce may never admit it), but I think he held back a bit in Meribel to seal the overall.

Either that or, you know, Nico.

 

[ritche]

just like Peaty, Gwin will get his world champs someday eventually, as he is capable.

He is now the current people's champ, (used to be peaty), who's people? I say everyone wants him to win, the world champs.

Former World jr. champs, and World senior champs, will most likely win this one, due to world champs experience.

top on the list:
Bruni, Brosnan, Bryceland, Blenkinsop, Hill, Minaar, Hart, Atherton.

 

[Verskis]

I say everyone wants him to win, the world champs.

Really? Gwin seriously lacks some charisma for anyone but diehard USA fans to root for him.

I want him to win as much as Gee Atherton, which is basically zero. But they make great opponents for my favorite riders

 

[sethimus]

Really? Gwin seriously lacks some charisma for anyone but diehard USA fans to root for him.

this. also he's religous, can't be taken seriously

 

[jackalope]

I dunno, the ISIS boys club seems pretty serious to me.

Regardless, I'm starting to wonder if Loic is the next Sam Hill based on his robust eye caterpillars

Perhaps my wispy brows have been preventing me from dominating the 40+ cat, as it seems clear excessive ear hair isn't providing any discernible benefit on the track.

 

[Bikael Molton]

I wanna see rock jesus with a holy claymore of heathen-smiting on his back, crushing rock gardens and scando infidels.

 

[jackalope]

Bring it on geology genie

 

[teamkranzelbike]

Would love to see Josh pull off the Double win, but fearfull of the state of the world afterwords.Sam Win would be awsome.
Just wondering, as far back as I can remember Josh has never been on any other brand but Santa Cruz. Has anyone else ever been on only one brand from the beginning of their career untill they clinched the world cup overall? Not counting worlds or Jrs'. (except Nico) How about for their entire career?

 

[jackalope]

^^

Interesting question - the only possibility that immediately comes to mind is Sam riding for IH, but I suspect he was on something else after his Jrs career and going to IH. Just can't remember what it might have been (GT maybe?)

Seemed like Kirkaldie was always on Turner, but again, I'd be surprised if that was really the case.