[manimal]

http://savannah.craigslist.org/rnr/982078099.html

:biggrin:

i'll post the ad for longevity in case CL deletes it.

I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!

- Alex




Location: Downtown, Savannah
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

 

[Austin Bike]

Can I at least have the phone back?

 

[Serial Midget]

Bogus.

 

[RUFUS]

That is funny though.

 

[ridiculous]

thats good stuff

 

[LeRoy]

It's a funny piece of fiction. Oh, if only we were ALL armed ALL the time. No one would ever be the victim of a crime.

 

[MMike]

 

[johnbryanpeters]

This posting has been flagged for removal

(The title on the listings page will be removed in just a few minutes.)

 

[manimal]

yeah, i figured it was a little too far-fetched...but still amusing.

 

[johnbryanpeters]

Amusing and racist.

 

[pumpkinator]

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.

"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."

"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.

"Get my brown pants."

 

[JohnE]

I read nothing rascist in it at all...what am I missing?

 

[johnbryanpeters]

"I was the white guy ..."

 

[MMike]

"I was the white guy ..."

"Momma"?

 

[Brian HCM#1]

Classic

 

[cadmus]

"I was the white guy ..."

So using one's race as a descriptor makes someone racist? Guess we better draw up new forms for police reports, obviously they aren't PC.

 

[splat]

"I was the white guy ..."

Since when is Just stating your race racist ?

 

[johnbryanpeters]

So using one's race as a descriptor makes someone racist? Guess we better draw up new forms for police reports, obviously they aren't PC.

I do not have the time or motivation for a full syntactic analysis. In short, the opening implies that the assailant was black.

 

[TN]

I read nothing rascist in it at all...what am I missing?

"....that brown sludge flopping about in your pants."

 

[cannondalejunky]

"....that brown sludge flopping about in your pants."

 

[blue]

Amusing and racist.

And how. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

...must spread blah blah.

 

[moff_quigley]

I do not have the time or motivation for a full syntactic analysis. In short, the opening implies that the assailant was black.

It doesn't imply that the assailant was black, just that he wasn't white.

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

I do not have the time or motivation for a full syntactic analysis. In short, the opening implies that the assailant was black.

You used the word "Syntactic." You're clearly white.


Dat **** iz racist, yo.

 

[jimmydean]

It doesn't imply that the assailant was black, just that he wasn't white.

It doesn't do that, either. It simply identifies at least one potential victim. Maybe the thief held up multiple people and the OP was simply identifying himself.

Although there could have been multiple "white guys" held up that night, but I am guessing not all of them had a 1911.

 

[johnbryanpeters]

...not all of them had a 1911.

OK, here's my stereotypical rant/two-bit synopsis (even if the account's fiction):

White boy metrosexual in stupid clothing packing oversized overpriced obsolete weapon. Behaves in criminal fashion after facing down assailant, then feels the need to brag about it.

 

[Da Peach]

Uh-oh. Here comes the age-ism.

 

[MMike]

OK, here's my stereotypical rant/two-bit synopsis (even if the account's fiction):

White boy metrosexual in stupid clothing packing oversized overpriced obsolete weapon. Behaves in criminal fashion after facing down assailant, then feels the need to brag about it.

You're a metrophobe!!!

 

[johnbryanpeters]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to MMike again.

 

[sanjuro]

I do not have the time or motivation for a full syntactic analysis. In short, the opening implies that the assailant was black.

You probably just think blacks are criminal types, which why you assumed the assailant was black.

You know you can't win this one. I would just give up and let people get their shots in.

BTW, I assumed the criminal was a minority, I just wouldn't admit that I am racist.

 

[stevew]

oversized overpriced obsolete weapon.

So he should have had a tazer set to "STUN"?

 

[ultraNoob]

So he should have had a tazer set to "STUN"?

my dyslexia must be flaring up... I read that as "so he should have had a tazer set to "NUTS".

TAZER NUTS
TAZER NUTS
TAZER NUTS

 

[maddog17]

You probably just think blacks are criminal types, which why you assumed the assailant was black.

You know you can't win this one. I would just give up and let people get their shots in.

BTW, I assumed the criminal was a minority, I just wouldn't admit that I am racist.

statistics don't lie, but i was thinking the same as you were. i'm an equal oportunity racist... i hate everyone.

 

[jimmydean]

...oversized overpriced obsolete weapon.

If it's good enough for Frank Castle, it's good enough for Craig's List.

 

[Nick]

just curious; how many of you have ever been mugged and/or been shot at?

I'd been mugged at gunpoint (along with 2 girls I was with) and shot at by said bad guy when I was 19.

I can't be the only one, not in this crime infested country of outlaws. Lets hear your story.

 

[jimmydean]

just curious; how many of you have ever been mugged and/or been shot at?

I'd been mugged at gunpoint (along with 2 girls I was with) and shot at by said bad guy when I was 19.

I can't be the only one, not in this crime infested country of outlaws. Lets hear your story.

I had a guy pull a gun on me because he wanted my Mickey Mouse baseball hat in Tijuana when I was in the Navy. It was a sweet hat, so I kind of understood at the time.

 

[ultraNoob]

:raises hand:

Guy tripped me and pulled a knife... got my wallet with $20-$30 and watch. Keep most of my cash in my pocket but I was pissed about the wallet and my drivers license and ATM card. I cancelled the ATM card as soon as I finished calling the duty officer... I had the # in my phone. 3 weeks later, got a call from SDPD saying that they apprehended someone who had my drivers license. Saved me a trip to the DMV.

 

[Westy]

Been shot at, not in a robbery but from a dumbass that was trying to be funny. He only aimed near me.

Had some crazy dude that tried getting in my car at a stop light. he punched the windows until his hand broke then started kicking the window. Miraculously the glass held.

 

[manimal]

i saw somebody get mugged on tv once.

 

[Skookum]

i've had 3 people pull guns out on me in my lifetime. All 3 were white. Personally i wouldn't divulge this info or even think about it in terms of race. But there is alot of ignorance in this thread, so i'm just throwin it out there.

Criminality is not constrained by race or even social status. What puts it in better perspective for me is the impact and repurcussions of a rich white guy who fleeces peoples retirement funds.

Being a victim sucks no matter what color the perp is.

What decisions you make to deal with the fear and humiliation is on you. Do you choose to become a racist? Do you choose to retaliate criminally yourself like this guy did?

Every action has reaction, but ultimately after the dust is settled we alone are responsible for our choices.

 

[Da Peach]

Been shot at, not in a robbery but from a dumbass that was trying to be funny...

Not everyone can be as funny as you Mr. Funnyman.