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The RM AITA thread...

Toshi

Harbinger of Doom
Oct 23, 2001
38,563
7,889
Ok, I park like a jerk and may wear out my CV joints. Point accepted
 

CrabJoe StretchPants

Reincarnated Crab Walking Head Spinning Bruce Dick
Nov 30, 2003
14,163
2,484
Groton, MA
We should take the toshi complaints to the toshi thread where my first complaint will be about toshi's thread being mostly filled with complaints about toshi
 

Full Trucker

Frikkin newb!!!
Feb 26, 2003
10,604
7,759
Exit, CO
I’m going to talk with her about it and maybe we can hammer down something more concrete, like we strictly alternate who is the one who takes a sick day.
Nice, dude. I clearly don't know the entire story, only what you've explained here, but this does seem like a wise choice. I gathered from your explanation that both you and her are kinda grumpy about the whole thing and neither feels like things were 'fair' so talking about it is probably the way to go. Equitable distribution of household labor and responsibilities isn't an easy thing to sort out.

Unsolicited advice: in my opinion you'd do well to keep in mind that her part-time job at the school isn't the only job she has, nor is being a doc your only job. It's the non-paying jobs that are more difficult to quantify. And as others have said prior, the real value to her in the school job is likely not financial—and teasing out what that value is to her won't hurt.

Seriously, good luck.
 

Toshi

Harbinger of Doom
Oct 23, 2001
38,563
7,889
Evan, air your other non kart related grievances with me pls. I would like to be aware of them and address them.
 

Changleen

Paranoid Member
Jan 9, 2004
14,365
2,473
Pōneke
Unsolicited advice: in my opinion you'd do well to keep in mind that her part-time job at the school isn't the only job she has, nor is being a doc your only job. It's the non-paying jobs that are more difficult to quantify. And as others have said prior, the real value to her in the school job is likely not financial—and teasing out what that value is to her won't hurt.

Seriously, good luck.
I’d like to know how much @Toshi contributes to laundry, cooking, cleaning, life admin in general before having this conversation with her.
 

Toshi

Harbinger of Doom
Oct 23, 2001
38,563
7,889
I’d like to know how much @Toshi contributes to laundry, cooking, cleaning, life admin in general before having this conversation with her.
Laundry - mainly wife as far as the kids’ clothes are concerned. I do my own as a big boy.

Cooking - I do maybe 20% but am the dish master whenever she cooks.

Cleaning - I hire the cleaning lady and she doesn’t really :D outside buying organizing bins seemingly constantly.

Life admin - I handle all the finances, the lawns, the cars, etc. She organizes kid activity schedules. We both shuttle them everywhere for their myriad activities.
 

Montana rider

Turbo Monkey
Mar 14, 2005
1,773
2,234
To answer the question posed in the op I need to know how many inches of fresh powder there was


And I actually think your kid is the asshole for being sick on the day you were supposed to be skiing.
 
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Full Trucker

Frikkin newb!!!
Feb 26, 2003
10,604
7,759
Exit, CO
Evan, air your other non kart related grievances with me pls. I would like to be aware of them and address them.
I'll do my best to find some time for this. I already started a PM.

Laundry - mainly wife as far as the kids’ clothes are concerned. I do my own as a big boy.

Cooking - I do maybe 20% but am the dish master whenever she cooks.

Cleaning - I hire the cleaning lady and she doesn’t really :D outside buying organizing bins seemingly constantly.

Life admin - I handle all the finances, the lawns, the cars, etc. She organizes kid activity schedules. We both shuttle them everywhere for their myriad activities.
These are precisely the "non-job jobs" that can be so difficult to quantify and ensure equity of, in my experience. Even for folks who have chosen to not procreate.
 

Toshi

Harbinger of Doom
Oct 23, 2001
38,563
7,889
I gathered from your explanation that both you and her are kinda grumpy about the whole thing and neither feels like things were 'fair' so talking about it is probably the way to go.
The talk was had, and our consensus is to have a strict alternating of sick days to care for le kid. I will call in formally and make others cover on my days, and won’t take regard of whether it’s a “special” day, like where I have pancreatic conference on Tuesdays. When she’s not working (over summer) then it’ll fall to her by default. If I have an academic day that can be converted to sick then I’ll take it.

Perhaps having a formal rotation like this will lead to both of us being less grumpy.
 

Toshi

Harbinger of Doom
Oct 23, 2001
38,563
7,889
To answer the question posed in the op I need to know how many inches of fresh powder there was


And I actually I think your kid is the asshole for being sick on the day you were supposed to be skiing.
2” over 48, trace over 24. So none really…
 

JohnE

filthy rascist
May 13, 2005
13,458
1,998
Front Range, dude...
My son is visiting...he has grown into a person that I really dont like being around anymore. It breaks my heart, because as a single father for him for years, he was my world. Now I really just dont care for him. He is loud, smokes (You can smell it on him...) and swears too much, disrespects my wife (Who WAS his mother for years until he freaked out during his teens and forced his way out of my house.). His girlfriend is an obnoxious attention grabber who obviously kowtows to his every whim, he is a know it all who lives in a trailer in central Illinois and I cant wait until he leaves.

AITA for feeling this way? This is driving me back into therapy.
 

canadmos

Cake Tease
May 29, 2011
20,802
19,889
Canaderp
AITA for feeling this way? This is driving me back into therapy.
Nope.

You can love someone, but still think they are an asshole or dumbass.

You're under no obligation to be forced to enjoy someone's presence, even if they are your kid, parent, family member, stranger....whoever.
 

slyfink

Turbo Monkey
Sep 16, 2008
9,413
5,153
Ottawa, Canada
I struggle with this too. I tell myself it's because he's a teenager (13), but he's been this way since he started daycare at 1.5 years old... I keep telling myself we did the hard work early and he'll get better, and I really hope that turns out to be true, but I'm not holding my breath. And it sucks to feel that way every day.
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
54,643
20,468
Sleazattle
I have spoken to my sister once in 20 years. I have always gotten along with her, she has always been nice to me but she has always been extremely financially irresponsible and her husband is a con artist. Once she realized I had money every interaction has turned a sob story and request for cash. I had enough after she and her husband plus 4 kids showed up at my house for my mother's funeral and after a week wouldn't leave. They claimed they couldn't afford to drive home so I had to pay her off to get my house back. She then went on a 6 week cross country vacation and once returning home said they didn't have money for rent. And that was the end of our relationship.

Two years ago at my father's funeral I reconnected with her and her 6 kids who seemed to want to get to know their uncle. And then quickly the requests for money rolled in. One niece asked if I would help with her college expenses, I said maybe and she then sent me info for her $10k student loan debt, further digging showed it was for one semester of Community College where she failed every class.

Needless to say I once again cut myself off from that side of the family. It isn't about the money, it is about trust, I don't deal with people I don't trust.
 
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JohnE

filthy rascist
May 13, 2005
13,458
1,998
Front Range, dude...
Thanks guys...I appreciated your inputs. I was (And still am...) stressing over this pretty hard. Your inputs definitely help my mental state...

#wisemonkeys
 

Changleen

Paranoid Member
Jan 9, 2004
14,365
2,473
Pōneke
Thanks guys...I appreciated your inputs. I was (And still am...) stressing over this pretty hard. Your inputs definitely help my mental state...

#wisemonkeys
Dude, that fully sucks. I can’t imagine. Sorry you have to deal with that.
 

jonKranked

Detective Dookie
Nov 10, 2005
86,278
24,776
media blackout
I have spoken to my sister once in 20 years. I have always gotten along with her, she has always been nice to me but she has always been extremely financially irresponsible and her husband is a con artist. Once she realized I had money every interaction has turned a sob story and request for cash. I had enough after she and her husband plus 4 kids showed up at my house for my mother's funeral and after a week wouldn't leave. They claimed they couldn't afford to drive home so I had to pay her off to get my house back. She then went on a 6 week cross country vacation and once returning home said they didn't have money for rent. And that was the end of our relationship.

Two years ago at my father's funeral I reconnected with her and her 6 kids who seemed to want to get to know their uncle. And then quickly the requests for money rolled in. One niece asked if I would help with her college expenses, I said maybe and she then sent me info for her $10k student loan debt, further digging showed it was for one semester of Community College where she failed every class.

Needless to say I once again cut myself off from that side of the family. It isn't about the money, it is about trust, I don't deal with people I don't trust.
my SIL is notoriously bad with money. she has some mental health issues that compound the situation. one of many reasons my wife and I keep our finances to ourselves and our CFP.