Well this is a quick turnaround, no? Thanks UCI for almost 2 months between Lourdes and the Bill, then Leo the very next weekend after Bill. But hey, I'll take it, namely because I'm not beat all to fuck after tackling trees in Scotland. My only job is to burn some kind of pork product and make some beers disappear before my god fearing compatriots even get dressed up for their jeebus book club meeting. So lets set the table with some of the givens:
* A little known fact, but Australia was actually discovered by Austria in the early 17th century. Upon laying eyes on the vast wasteland that is essentially everything other than the coastline, the Austrians decided to send all of their poisonous, gigantic, bitey, and otherwise dangerous fauna to Australia - which is why there are essentially no shitty animals in Austria, but Australia is teeming with these god damned things. They also sent a few mullet crested chalkies over to help supervise the shitty animal invasion, which needless to say, they've done a remarkable job with. However, over time, the mullet managers became disenfranchised with mother Austria due to having to deal with blazing hot temperatures, all manner of shitty animals, Men At Work, and no decent skiing. My belabored point being, I expect some Aussies to fair quite well here at Leo due to their inherit desire to give their former masters a Fosters fueled golden shower (which, oddly enough, may actually be embraced in some depraved circles of Austrian night life).
* Since there's no roxx in Austria (what few they had, they sent to Australia), they've had to import several container loads from the East Coast.
* Contrary to my belief, the Euros apparently don't have unlimited access to super 'roids and HGH to expedite joint/appendage regeneration. Why do I say this? Because Peat is still not fucking racing. If dude played in the NFL, he'd not only be squatting 700 lbs (with only the repaired leg) and cutting harder than Barry Sanders in the cone drill, but he'd probably have grown 2 or 3 vestigial legs around his beltline. This is total bullshit.
* I'd like to visit Austria at some point. I also like coffee.
OK, now let's get down to who's going to be climbing on the stairs come Sunday -
1.) Arrrrrrnerrrrld!!! That's right, the Governator makes a glorious return to his country of birth, and with the help of *AMERICAN* steroids (ya know, the good ones) the former Mr. Universe smashes down the mountain on his (fucking) fat bike. Unfortunately, by actually winning anything on a (fucking) fat bike, this will cause a mass, lemming-esque suicide in DH fandom, and I expect to count myself in that number.
2.) The Hermannator - Chomping at the bit to get back into competition after retiring from a brilliant skiing career, the 42 year old Hermann Maier surprises everyone by trying his hand at downhill dirt surfing. Lashing some specially made off-road roller blades to his feet, the Herm slashes his way to a stunning place 2nd place, with only a "poor line choice" and subsequent mini-procore tire failure keeping him off the top step.
3.) Kurt Sorge - that's right captain freeride takes his BC steeze to WC competition, and turns in a dominating (if somewhat surprising) 3rd place finish. How did he pull off such an unexpected result you ask? Look at the front of his bike...See that? That's called a Rux. After the race, the Fox and RS mechs start furiously devising a way to milk the Rux internals into their inferior bump sticks...Woo and Steve come to the rescue and provide them special Rux caps. It's also well understood that if Suntour actually had a real DH shock (i.e. the Fux), Kurt would've likely won by 30 seconds or more.
4.) Nathan Rennie - see my first bullet above. Dude is pissed after having recently lost a boxing match with a poisonous, spikey tailed kangaroo, and he takes out his Austrian angst on the Leogang track and a vintage Iron Horse SGS (which promptly disintegrates after crossing the finish line, Blue Bros. cop car style).
5.) Alex Kapranos - After watching all the glory that was Ft. Bill, the Scottish lead singer for Franz Ferdinand decides to give WC-DH a go and has an unprecedented success by grabbing the final podium spot. However, recognizing the unpleasant history of the band's namesake, Alex decides to not sing "Take Me Out" during the after party. A wise move indeed.
But if somehow my predictions don't come to pass, here's my backup:
1.) Minnaar - dude has won here before, may have actually won last year if not for a race run bobble (still managed 2nd) and clearly has found his winning pace. Wild to think he has a legit shot at passing Peat for the most all time WC wins just one weekend after tying him. Hopefully we'll see more ad hoc "Not a Trade Team" UCI eye pokes.
2.) Loic - looked to have a winning run going last year, but slipped up in that slidey corner.
3.) Gwin - assuming he doesn't get another flat up top and rim rally the rest of the way, Geo Jesus is going to be a podium/win threat pretty much everywhere this season.
4.) Geebus - this guy...hard as fuck and like Gwin, is probably a podium/win threat anywhere provided he doesn't knock himself out in practice.
5.) Neko - if I say it enough, eventually I will be right.
Fraus:
1.) Manon - mainly, she's just pissed about the epic OTB at Ft. Bill, and I think she'll work that into a win here at Leo.
2.) Rach - an impressive effort at Ft. Bill, and a reminder that a healthy Rach is always a solid bet to win.
3.) Ragot - no mud sandwich this time.
4.) Trace - I still think she's going to win one this year, but she really seemed out of sorts at Ft. Bill.
5.) Seagrave - a strong result at Ft. Bill for sure, but I still think she's a little off the pace of the top ladies.
Looking forward to seeing some floppy blue tubes and Claudio's course preview exploits!
* A little known fact, but Australia was actually discovered by Austria in the early 17th century. Upon laying eyes on the vast wasteland that is essentially everything other than the coastline, the Austrians decided to send all of their poisonous, gigantic, bitey, and otherwise dangerous fauna to Australia - which is why there are essentially no shitty animals in Austria, but Australia is teeming with these god damned things. They also sent a few mullet crested chalkies over to help supervise the shitty animal invasion, which needless to say, they've done a remarkable job with. However, over time, the mullet managers became disenfranchised with mother Austria due to having to deal with blazing hot temperatures, all manner of shitty animals, Men At Work, and no decent skiing. My belabored point being, I expect some Aussies to fair quite well here at Leo due to their inherit desire to give their former masters a Fosters fueled golden shower (which, oddly enough, may actually be embraced in some depraved circles of Austrian night life).
* Since there's no roxx in Austria (what few they had, they sent to Australia), they've had to import several container loads from the East Coast.
* Contrary to my belief, the Euros apparently don't have unlimited access to super 'roids and HGH to expedite joint/appendage regeneration. Why do I say this? Because Peat is still not fucking racing. If dude played in the NFL, he'd not only be squatting 700 lbs (with only the repaired leg) and cutting harder than Barry Sanders in the cone drill, but he'd probably have grown 2 or 3 vestigial legs around his beltline. This is total bullshit.
* I'd like to visit Austria at some point. I also like coffee.
OK, now let's get down to who's going to be climbing on the stairs come Sunday -
1.) Arrrrrrnerrrrld!!! That's right, the Governator makes a glorious return to his country of birth, and with the help of *AMERICAN* steroids (ya know, the good ones) the former Mr. Universe smashes down the mountain on his (fucking) fat bike. Unfortunately, by actually winning anything on a (fucking) fat bike, this will cause a mass, lemming-esque suicide in DH fandom, and I expect to count myself in that number.
2.) The Hermannator - Chomping at the bit to get back into competition after retiring from a brilliant skiing career, the 42 year old Hermann Maier surprises everyone by trying his hand at downhill dirt surfing. Lashing some specially made off-road roller blades to his feet, the Herm slashes his way to a stunning place 2nd place, with only a "poor line choice" and subsequent mini-procore tire failure keeping him off the top step.
3.) Kurt Sorge - that's right captain freeride takes his BC steeze to WC competition, and turns in a dominating (if somewhat surprising) 3rd place finish. How did he pull off such an unexpected result you ask? Look at the front of his bike...See that? That's called a Rux. After the race, the Fox and RS mechs start furiously devising a way to milk the Rux internals into their inferior bump sticks...Woo and Steve come to the rescue and provide them special Rux caps. It's also well understood that if Suntour actually had a real DH shock (i.e. the Fux), Kurt would've likely won by 30 seconds or more.
4.) Nathan Rennie - see my first bullet above. Dude is pissed after having recently lost a boxing match with a poisonous, spikey tailed kangaroo, and he takes out his Austrian angst on the Leogang track and a vintage Iron Horse SGS (which promptly disintegrates after crossing the finish line, Blue Bros. cop car style).
5.) Alex Kapranos - After watching all the glory that was Ft. Bill, the Scottish lead singer for Franz Ferdinand decides to give WC-DH a go and has an unprecedented success by grabbing the final podium spot. However, recognizing the unpleasant history of the band's namesake, Alex decides to not sing "Take Me Out" during the after party. A wise move indeed.
But if somehow my predictions don't come to pass, here's my backup:
1.) Minnaar - dude has won here before, may have actually won last year if not for a race run bobble (still managed 2nd) and clearly has found his winning pace. Wild to think he has a legit shot at passing Peat for the most all time WC wins just one weekend after tying him. Hopefully we'll see more ad hoc "Not a Trade Team" UCI eye pokes.
2.) Loic - looked to have a winning run going last year, but slipped up in that slidey corner.
3.) Gwin - assuming he doesn't get another flat up top and rim rally the rest of the way, Geo Jesus is going to be a podium/win threat pretty much everywhere this season.
4.) Geebus - this guy...hard as fuck and like Gwin, is probably a podium/win threat anywhere provided he doesn't knock himself out in practice.
5.) Neko - if I say it enough, eventually I will be right.
Fraus:
1.) Manon - mainly, she's just pissed about the epic OTB at Ft. Bill, and I think she'll work that into a win here at Leo.
2.) Rach - an impressive effort at Ft. Bill, and a reminder that a healthy Rach is always a solid bet to win.
3.) Ragot - no mud sandwich this time.
4.) Trace - I still think she's going to win one this year, but she really seemed out of sorts at Ft. Bill.
5.) Seagrave - a strong result at Ft. Bill for sure, but I still think she's a little off the pace of the top ladies.
Looking forward to seeing some floppy blue tubes and Claudio's course preview exploits!
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